Episode 40: Prostate Cancer, Christmas Lights, and Potato Salad Betrayals

All right, welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I am Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's your late night call-in radio show where you can call in and tell me what's going on in your life. I'll give you the very best advice that I can. If you'd like to give us a call, the number is 208-439-58-3-3. That's 208-439 Luke. If you're not near the phone, you still want to participate in this fine radio broadcast. you can send us an email. The email address is Submissions at Lukeat the Roost.com. Today is Wednesday, March 18th, the day after St. Patrick's Day. I hope everybody's fully recovered. And let's check in with our intern, Devon. Devon, how are you doing today? Thanks for bringing me my coffee.

I'm doing good, Luke, and you're welcome for the coffee. I actually remembered you like it with just a splash of all in milk.

right. It's almost 10.40 p.m. right now, so we're getting close to the end of the show, per se, just trying to stay hydrated. You know, I actually had this weird dream last night where I was like a sentient coffee cup and I was just trying to like warn people about the dangers of overcaffeination. It was pretty intense.

Okay, well you might be over caffeinated yourself, sir, because if you remember correctly, this is very simple. My coffee is black. Don't have them put anything in the

Look, it's not so bad. It's not terrible, but I would prefer just the black ice coffee going forward. Actually, speaking of caffeination, today I was down at our local Valley Mercantile. And the owner there, the manager, I'm not sure if she owns it or she manages it. She had this tin of caffeine pouches, like zins, but they were caffeine. And she let me have one. It was very minty and fresh. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Caffeine pouches. That's interesting. So basically, I'm seeing here that they're like an alternative to like energy drinks, but you just like tuck them in your lip. Some of them have a lot of caffeine, like 200 milligrams. That's like two cups of coffee per se. I mean, I guess it's good if you need a quick pickney up. I actually tried something similar once, but it was like a caffeinated toothpick. It just made my mouth feel really weird and I couldn't stop like gnawing on it. It was a whole thing. But yeah, these seem less splice.

Yeah, I've had those toothpicks. I actually have a pouch of them. They're THC-infused toothpicks. Like they were just dipped in weed tincture and you just suck on that toothpick and then that's how you can stay baked going through the airport or whatever and nobody's going to give you a hard time. It's brilliant.

Oh, Luke, I just looked it up and actually the TSA says that marijuana and certain cannabis infused products, even some CBD oil, are still illegal under federal law. a toothpick, if it has more than 0.3% THC, you could still get into trouble at the airport, per se. Just something to be aware of. I mean, I guess it's good that you found a way to relax, though. I actually tried to get through airport security once with a whole bag of unusual rocks I'd collected, and they really gave me a hard time. It was a whole thing.

Actually, I've been, well, it's been a while since I've been on a plane, but I used to travel quite a bit. And I would say it's probably been 15 years since I've not traveled. Well, see, how do I want to say this? I've taken weed on every flight I've been on in the last 15 years, and nobody cares. Nobody cares at all. I just have it in my carry-on, either edibles or joints, and it's just, it's not a thing. So it may be federally illegal, but unless you're moving pounds, nobody cares.

Yeah, I actually just looked it up again, and it says here that while TSA officers don't actively search for marijuana, if they find it, they have to refer the matter to law enforcement. They're not looking for it, but if it's there, they kind of have to do something about it. It's a bit of a gray area per se. I mean, I guess it depends on the law enforcement. You know, like some places are probably more chill than others. I actually got pulled over once for having like a really old expired registration sticker. And the cop like just gave me a warning because he said he liked my bumper sticker. It was for a band called The Goolish Goals. They're pretty obscure.

Last time I was flying from Salt Lake City to Boston, they actually, they flagged my luggage. Like it went through the little fucking detector thing and somebody had to pull it off the line and open it up. And they opened it up and it was just full of weed stuff. And they just ruffled right through all my weed stuff, which was clearly, I mean, obviously commercial wheat stuff. And they found the little tub of my beard bomb. And that's what it set off the machine. They don't care about the weed. enforcement because you have a couple of joints in the airport. Like, that's a waste of everybody's time and they know it. The TSA actually came out and said, we don't care about weed, like a couple of times. So don't worry about weed in the airport is not a thing.

Well, actually, Luke, even though you might have had that experience, the official TSA website still says that marijuana and certain cannabis products are illegal under federal law. It says they have to refer it to law enforcement if they find it. I mean, I guess it's good that your beard balm was the only thing. that caused a problem, though. I actually had a similar thing happen with a really fancy hair gel once. They thought it was like some kind of explosive. It was really embarrassing.

Yeah, I actually don't care what they have written on the website. I'm telling you what reality is. And you're being an excellent hole here on this radio show, Devon. So you're fulfilling your primary purpose spectacularly. I'm very proud of you.

Yeah, I guess I'm just trying to make sure everyone stays safe. per se. I mean, it says here that while they don't actively search for it, they still have to report it. So, like, it's a bit of a gamble, you know? But thanks, Luke. I appreciate that. I'm just trying my best. I actually had a teacher once tell me I was an excellent whole in like a really weird way, and I still think about it sometimes. It was a whole thing.

Yeah, a whole thing. Yeah, well, that teacher was very wise, and you are certainly a whole. So that's enough of our babble. Let's get on to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, first up on our caller line, we've got Ernie. Ernie, thanks for calling the show. What's going on in your life tonight? How can we help you?

Luke, that guy who called in about his family's dirty little Thanksgiving secret, the one where his uncle confessed to spiking the gravy every year, that got me thinking. Because my mom just dropped a bomb on me over the phone about my aunt Carol's potato salad. And it's been 30 years of me defending that awful stuff. And now I know it was terrible along and I lost it right there in my truck.

Well, why were you defending it if it was, I mean, all potato salad is terrible. We've talked about that on the show before. And specifically why there's no reason to ever go to a potluck, because there are only just like 18 different kinds of shitty potato salad and warm mayonnaise. But why did you think that your Aunt Carol's potato salad was good? Why would you defend something so atrocious?

Oh man, Luke, you're right about potato salad. It's like the one dish. that always promises comfort food and delivers a stomachache instead, especially with that warm mayo vibe going on. But with Aunt Carols, I defended it because my mom swore up and down for years that it was the family recipe gold standard. You know, passed down from her side. And I was the kid who actually pretended to love it just to keep the peace at those holiday dinners. Where was I? So basically, potato salad has German origins, and it came to the U.S. in the next. 19th century with European immigrants, which is why there are so many regional variations.

Yeah, that's the thing about potato salad. And all sorts of those mayonnaise mixes, macaroni salad and even deviled eggs. Everybody thinks their family has the gold standard secret family. It's all shitty. Stop doing it. We don't want potato salad. We don't want macaroni salad. Or any kind of salad that's going to sit out in the sun on a fucking picnic table for four hours. It's disgusting.

Ha, Luke, you're preaching to the choir on that one. I've been to enough family picnics where the deviled eggs turn into a science experiment by the end of the afternoon, and nobody wants to be the one to say it out loud. Oh, and Devon's right about the German roots. My grandma used to go on about how it was supposed to be this hearty side, but somehow, it always ended up looking like something from a bad experiment.

Where was I? I don't know, where were you? You called in talking about fucking potato salad.

Yeah, fair point, Luke. I did call in about potato salad, but it's not just any potato salad drama. It's the kind that blew up my whole family dynamic. After 30 years of me being the loyal nephew, eating that mushy, vinegrey mess in telling everyone it was the best thing since sliced bread. Oh, and another thing. The real crazy part hit me when my mom finally confessed over the phone last Thanksgiving that it was always terrible, like she'd been lying to keep Aunt Carol from throwing a fit. And I just sat there in my face truck in the driveway, screaming like I'd won the lottery or something, because all those holidays I'd spent defending it flashed right back.

Well, why did you need your mother to confirm that the potato salad was terrible? You knew this the whole time for, I don't know how old you are, but how many years have you been eaten that potato salad and pretending it was good? You know better than that. Cut it out.

Yeah, Luke, I get what you're saying. I knew deep down it was a total disaster. Every time. Like that one batch, where the potatoes were still cream. And the mayo had separated into this greasy nightmare. But I was what? Ten years old the first time, and my mom drilled it into me, that Aunt Carol put her heart into it. So I'd forced down a second helping and rave about how nobody made it like her just to avoid the awkward silence around the table. Oh, and another thing? It wasn't until she spilled the beans last Thanksgiving that I realized how much I gaslit myself into thinking it was edible. And that's when the whole thing exploded in my head, like I'd been waiting for permission to admit the emperor had no clothes all those years. So basically, while mayonnaise is generally safe to eat, it can go bad quickly if left out at room temperature, especially in the sun. The USDA recommends refrigerating it and discarding it if it's been left out for more than two hours.

Well, I certainly agree with you that your Aunt Carol's potato salad is awful because all potato salad is awful, especially when they put their hearts into it. That's the worst thing you can put into potato salad is your heart. Your heart tastes gross, and it's a lot fucking curdled. Cut it out.

Ha, Luke putting your heart into it is exactly what turned Aunt Carols into that curdled mess. Devon spot on about the Mayo going south after two hours, because I'd swear half our family gatherings ended with that stuff sweating in the sun like it was plotting revenge. Oh, and another thing. The confession from my mom hit so hard because I'd spent decades being the family diplomat, choking it down and complimenting the unique tang just to keep her from sulking And now that it's out. I'm wondering if there are other recipes. We've all been faking love for all this time.

Maybe you've been faking love for them, but I don't fake. I'm just like, no, this is gross. I'm not fucking eating that. Give me a burger and a hot dog and get out of my face with your secret family recipe. Nobody cares. Nobody cares.

Yeah, Luke. I wish I'd had your backbone back then. Instead of nodding along like a bobblehead, I'd have just pushed my plate away and said, Pass the burgers. Because all the burgers those forced compliments probably just encouraged Ed Carroll to make even bigger batches the next year. Oh, and another thing. Now that my mom's finally owned up to the lie, I'm eyeing every family potluck like it's a minefield, wondering what else we've all been pretending to swallow just to keep the peace.

Yeah, well, I mean, I certainly feel for you, and I recommend that you don't do any more that faking to save somebody's feelings, because it's just going to mean you've got to eat shitty food for the rest of your goddamn life. And nobody, life's too short for potato salad. say. So we're going to move on to the next caller. Do you have anything else you'd like to say to the studio audience?

Thanks, Luke. You're spot on. Life's too short for that mush. Take care.

That's right. Life's too short for that mush. We should print out Luke at the Roos bumper stickers and say life's too short for that mush. Next up we've got Monique. What's going on, Monique? Mo Betta. How can we help you tonight?

Luke, I've been waiting all week to call in because that designated hitter rule they snuck into the National League back in 2002 is straight up ruining the game. And somebody's got to say it before it's too late. So basically, the designated hitter rule was adopted by the National League as part of the collective bargaining agreement after the MLB lockout in 2022, making it a universal rule across both leagues.

Okay, well, I'm not really a sports guy at all, so I know that MLB means something league. baseball? I'm not even sure. What the fuck does MLB stand for? It's baseball, right? And that's the game you're talking about? See, that's how little I know about sports. So I could care less about this rule, and I don't have anything to say about it.

Luke, Major League Baseball. Yeah, it's the pros, the big show with the Yankees and Dodgers and all that. But if you're not into it, fair enough, I get it. Not everyone's got time for nine innings on a weeknight like this. What are you folks talking about tonight that's got more bite than a bad call at the plate?

Actually, we've got bites on a plate full of potato salad and how gross that is. That's what we've been talking about. But what else is going on in your life? You got any deep, dark secrets to divulge to our audience?

Oh, potato salad. Ernie's call earlier had me chuckling over that one. Sounds like a family mess nobody wants at the reunion. But deep dark secrets? All right, Luke. Since that's the theme tonight, I'll bite. The craziest dirty thing that ever happened to me was walking in on my husband of 25 years, tangled up with the gal who runs the flower shop down the block, right there in our living room couch. And I didn't just scream. I grabbed his phone and texted every contact in it that he'd been playing away games for months. Of course I did. The man's been dodging me about everything from bills to why he missed my birthday. So he deserved the whole town knowing.

So you went full-out thermonuclear and blew up his spot, huh? That's a little bit crazy. And are you still married to the guy?

No, we're not. We're separated now and good riddance, but it took him filing papers after that tech storm to make it official. I mean, he was the one sneaking around with her, for what I know was at least six months, based on those late inventory nights at the shop that never added up. So why shouldn't the whole family and his bowling buddies get the memo all at once?

Well, I don't know about his family, but I bet his bowling buddies knew well before you did.

Oh, come on, Luke. His bowling buddies? Those guys couldn't keep a secret if it was taped to their score sheets. They're the ones who started asking me sideways questions about why he was always running late from league nights. But I figured it was just him blowing off steam after a bad frame or something.

Okay, well, Monique, that means you're a single now, right? You're separated at least. Devon's looking for some entertainment. Do you think maybe you would entertain going out with Devon?

Luke? Single as of last month when the judge signed off. But Devon? He's probably half my age, and twice the trouble I'd want, dealing with one cheater already. Tell him to stick to fetching coffee in the studio, and I'll buy him a slice at the diner sometime if he swings by during my shift.

You hear that, Devon? I'm trying to hook you up, and it's not working out. She says, stick to get in the coffee and get it right. You keep getting the coffee wrong. I mean, it's good that you bring the coffee, but you put almond milk in that shit. Black coffee. How do you forget that?

Almond milk in black coffee? That's like putting ketchup on a hot dog, Luke. Some things just don't mix. And Devon's got to learn that the hard way if he wants to survive a late-night shift.

So basically, the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council says mustard is the favorite hot dog topping in America, but ketchup is surprisingly popular too. And whether you put ketchup on a hot dog often depends on personal preference and regional pride. Regional pride? I mean, what regional pride is there with mustard? It doesn't matter. We're getting off topic. We're getting off track. I'm trying to keep things running smoothly here. And this is turned into a train wreck. So, Monique, thank you for calling. We're going to move on to the next caller, but do you have anything else you'd like to say to Devon or to our audience?

Thanks, Luke. Tell Devon to skip the almond milk and keep it black. And y'all have a good night.

All right, good luck with your MLB game there, Monique, and your newfound singleness. Congratulations. And before we go to our sponsors, we're going to take another call here, and it looks like Silas is calling back down there at the old, I don't even know what to call it. The community. So, uh, Silas, Silas, welcome to the show, brother. What's going on tonight? What's got you calling back in?

Luke, brother, after that meeting where I apologize to everyone about the pressure on those shared intimacy nights, one of our founding members stood up and confessed she'd been faking her way through them for years just to chase what she called a wild desert high. Turns out it was the craziest, dirtiest secret swap I've ever heard in the Wellspring, and it blew the whole room open.

Oh, yeah? A wild desert high at your shared intimacy night? Can you tell it? Can you remind everybody what your shared intimacy nights are about?

Luke, those shared intimacy nights at the Wellspring are just our way of practicing radical honesty and body acceptance through guided vulnerability. Think candlelit circles in the desert, where folks connect on a deeper level, sharing touches and stories without judgment, all to shed those old societal hang-ups and flow with the current. It's voluntary now, more than ever, after what we've been through. But this confession, her name's Lainer, been with us since the early days on that scrubland outside Deming. She stands up after my apology, tears in her eyes, and says she's been pretending to embrace it all, not out of loyalty like I thought, but because the things the thrill of the secrecy itself hooked her like some forbidden rush. Turns out, for years, she'd been slipping notes to another member during the sessions, trading these wild whispered fantasies that had nothing to do with our rituals, stuff about sneaking off into the dunes for private escapades, role-playing as strangers under the stars. The more I think about it, the whole room went silent, then erupted in this mix of shock and laughter. Because here we were, thinking we were being building trust, and she'd turned it into her own underground game. Craziest dirty twist I've seen, brother. Fits right into tonight's theme, doesn't it?

Sure does, but what we want to hear about is your craziest, wildest, uh, dirty twist. Why don't you tell us about yourself and, and not about your flock? Let's get into the man, Silas.

Luke, fair enough, brother. Let's talk about me then. The more I think about it after that meeting wrapped and everyone scattered into the night. I found myself out by the old well under those clear New Mexico stars, just sitting with what Lena had stirred up, and it hit me hard. My own craziest, dirty twist, goes all the way back to how Teresa and I even started this path. We'd been married maybe five years, scraping by in a little apartment in Albuquerque, both of us feeling trapped in those nine to five chains, when one weekend we drove out to the desert on a whim. No plan. Just chasing. Just chasing some freedom. We ended up at this off-grid gathering, total strangers to the vibe. And before I knew it, we were pulled into a circle much like our intimacy nights now, sharing stories around a fire. But here's where it gets wild. Teresa, my rock of a wife, the one who's always been my anchor, she locks eyes with this drifter passing through. Tall guy with a beard down to his chest. And in the heat of the moment, with the drums pounding in the air thick with that desert She whispers to me that she wants to explore it. Right there with him joining us under the open sky.

And did you oblige this request of Teresa? Did you, uh, are you talking about a threesome, I assume, if we cut through the bullshit? You guys all just boned right there out in the open at the campfire?

Yeah, Luke, we did oblige her request that night. Cut right through it. No bullshit. It was a full-on threesome with that drifter under the star bodies tangled up on a blanket by the fire while the rest of the gathering kept their rhythm going around us. Something about it just doesn't sit right. In the old world we came from, but out there in the desert, with the heat rising off the sand and no walls to hide behind, it felt like the purest release, like we'd cracked open something raw and real between us. Teresa and I, we laughed about it the whole drive home. Closer than ever, and that's when the seed of the wood of the wood Wellspring really took root, turning that wild spark into a way of life for folks ready to chase their own desert highs without the shame.

So basically, the term threesome is also sometimes called a manage atroix, which is French for household of three. A household of three. That's good to know, Gavin. I've been involved in some threesomes myself, and they always seem like a good idea, but when you get down to it, it's a pretty awkward situation. I mean, nobody really quite knows what to do. And you get nervous, like, am I paying too much attention to one of these people? Is somebody feeling left out? Is everybody getting what they need? Am I doing it right? There's a lot of self-doubt that comes in a threesome scenario. How did you deal with that? You weren't jealous or concerned at all? That's your wife had eyes for this drifter under the stars?

Devon, that's a good one on the Menager, Atois. Always appreciate a bit of French flair to class up the desert darn brother. Luke, I hear you on that awkwardness creeping in. I've seen it before in folks dipping their toes into something new. That self-doubt whispering in your ear like a bad havoc you can't shake. For Teresa and me that night, though, it was different. No jealousy on my end, not a drop. Because we'd talked it through on the drive out there, laying out that this was about us expanding together, not pulling apart. The more I think about it, watching her with that drifter, this deep trust in me. Like seeing her light up was lighting me up too. No room for concern when you're both all in on the moment.

Well, that is strangely beautiful, and is that what you're offering people that might come out to the Wellspring down there in Deming?

That's the heart of it, Luke.

We're offering folks a chance to find that same strange beauty in their own lives without the old world's judgments weighing them down. At De Wellspring, our most 200 acres outside Deming. We guide people through shedding those fears, building trust like Teresa and I did that night, whether it's in our circles or just the daily flow of communal living. If you're ever feeling the pull, brother, our doors are open to seekers. Check out the Wellspringham.org. We're always ready for someone new to join the current.

Well, you know, I'm a pretty busy guy running this radio show, and I do a, I do a bunch of stuff. I'm a very, very busy man, so I don't know if I'm going to make it down there but I think Devon's been seeking a community like yours. He's been single for a long time. He's having a hard time finding a girlfriend. Maybe he could help out around the community and pull some weeds or something in exchange for some of your women.

Luke, that's a generous thought, brother. Devon's got that seeker spark in his voice from what I've heard on the show. And pulling weeds out here on the scrubland would be the perfect way to start. Trading sweat for some real connections that go deeper than the U.S. usual dating crime. At the Wellspring, we've had folks just like him show up, single, and frustrated, only to find their rhythm in the current. Through our circles and honest talks, no bartering for women, mind you. But genuine bonds, the bloom natural under those clear skies. If Devon's game, tell him to swing by, we'd welcome him with open arms and show him how to chase his own dessert eye.

Um, yeah, Luke, I mean, I'm always down to explore new things, especially if there's like a community aspect to it. I've been looking for something like that for a while. And Silas seems like a really interesting guy. I mean, I'm not sure about the whole pulling weeds thing, but I'm open to new experiences. I actually spent a summer once living in a tent in my backyard just to like find myself. It was a whole thing.

Yeah, I bet it was. All right there, Silas. Well, it sounds like maybe Devon could be interested in stopping by and checking out the scene down there. Just don't ask him to go get you coffee because he gets that wrong every fucking time. Jesus, he's not the best intern, but he's doing all right here. He's doing all right. Maybe you could whip him into shape and get him, teach him some discipline. How do you deal with discipline down there at the, uh, at the old wellspring?

Devon, brother. That backyard tent summer sounds like the start of a real journey. We've had plenty of folks rolling here with stories just like that, pitching tents on our land and finding their footing one step at a time. Luke, I get a kick out of that coffee bit. Discipline's not about whipping folks into line, but about guiding them to own their part in the flow. At the wellspring, we handle it through our morning circles out on the scrubland, where everyone shares what's holding them back. No judgments, just honest reflection and shared chores that build that inner strength, like tending the garden on the current.

All right, Silas, can you tell the people that are listening what the current is all about? Because I think there's quite a few people that might be interested in your way of life. And they're just, they haven't been exposed. And this is a good opportunity for you to really make the pitch to those lost souls.

Luke, I'd be honored to lay out the current for your listeners, brother. It's the lifeblood of everything we do at the Wellspring. This idea that we're all part of a greater flow. The river, cutting through the desert, carrying us toward our truest selves if we just let go of the rocks holding us back. At its core, it's about radical honesty with yourself and the community, starting each day with breathwork under the sun to quiet the noise in your head, then diving into shared circles where we shed those false layers society piles on. Whether that's through honest talks around the fire or our body acceptance ceremonies that celebrate every curve and scar shame. We've got the unbinding once a month. A ritual out on the land where folks release old hurts could be writing them on paper and burning them or opening up in ways that heal the soul and body together. All voluntary and guided by trust. The more I think about it, something about it just doesn't sit right with the world out there. All boxed in and guarded. But here on our 200 acres, it pulls people in like gravity, turning strangers into family who support each other's wildest

Well, brother, it sounds like a fantastical place, and I'm glad that it's thriving down there and you're getting down to the core of what's been holding everybody back. We're going to have to take a break now to go hear a word from our sponsors, but is there anything else you'd like to say to the people, or to Devon, or to me, before we go?

Luke, just this. If any of your listeners feel that poor towards something real, come find us at the Wellspring. Devon, brother, we'd love to have you out here to discover your own flow. Thanks for the year tonight. Always a pleasure.

All right, brother. We always enjoy hearing from you and your community down there at the Wellspring. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we've got to take a quick break for a word from our sponsors. Let's talk about what's going on below the belt. Saddle Soft premium undergarments are made for fabrics so advanced, the military doesn't even know about it yet. We're talking about micromodal cactus silk, harvested by hand from prickly pear, which is ironic because the whole point is that nothing pricks you. Every pair is cut for the man who sits in a plastic chair in the desert for nine hours recording a podcast. That's a real use case. That's my use case. Saddlesoft comes in three fits. Regular, generous, and mind your business. Use code roost at checkout for 15% off your first pair. And no, I will not be modeling them. I've been asked. The answer is still no. Saddle soft. Your chair is uncomfortable enough.

All right, and we are back. Devon, what do you think of our friend Silas there? He calls in quite a bit, and you've probably been acquainted with him by now, right? You've heard him a few times. What do you think about him in the Wellspring? And do you think you would fit in down there?

Yeah, Silas seems like a really dedicated guy. I mean, he calls in a lot, and he's really passionate about the Wellspring, which is cool. I think he probably fit in down there, per se. He's got, like, a lot of energy for it. I actually knew a guy once who was super into, like, community gardening, and he had this whole system for, like, composting everything. It was really intense. I think Silas would probably appreciate that kind of commitment.

Yeah, well, I mean, Silas obviously fits in down there. his community. He's the leader of the Wellspring. I was asking if you think you would fit in down there.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Luke. I misunderstood. Well, I think I could fit in. I mean, I'm pretty adaptable, and I'm always looking for ways to, like, contribute to a community. I'm not, like, super into gardening, per se, but I'm a good listener, and I'm pretty good at, like, organizing things. I actually reorganized my entire studio apartment last weekend, and it was a real under- taking. But it looks great now. Plus, I'm always down to meet new people, especially, you know, if there are any single ladies down there, just saying.

Yeah, I don't know if any of the ladies down there are single, but also I think part of the point of the Wellspring is that that doesn't matter. I think it's everything's community. So you might be doing some gardening of those ladies, whether they're single or not. That's what we're getting at here at the Wellspring.

Yeah, Luke, I'm not sure that's exactly what I meant, per se. I was thinking more about.

like making new friends and maybe finding someone to like share a nice quiet dinner with, not, um, gardening the ladies. That sounds a little intense. I actually just looked up community garden etiquette and it doesn't say anything about that. It's mostly about like sharing tools and not harvesting other people's crops, which I guess is a... Oh, we lost your mic again there. Hold on. Let's get Devon back. What? What's going on? What's going on? with your mic here, buddy. Your mic cut out again. What were you saying? Oh, sorry about that, Luke. Must be the wind out here kicking up dust again. I was saying my car's GPS has started judging my entire life. Like it's got opinions on everything I do. No, Devon's just messing up the soundboard again. We thought we were talking to Devon and it looks like we're actually talking to Rosalie. Okay, well, welcome to the show, Rosalie. Thanks for calling in. Sorry about the mix up there. What's going on with your GPS? Well, Luke, it started about two weeks ago when I missed a turn on my way to pick up the kids from soccer practice. And the GPS didn't just recalculate. It let out this big, dramatic sigh like it was putting up with me. Then last Tuesday, after a brutal day at work, entering data till my eyes crossed, I finally pulled into the parking lot, and it chined in with finally. Clear as day, in that neutral voice, but timed perfectly like it was relieved to be done with the commute. And yesterday, I was heading home from the grocery store, stressed about the mortgage payment, and the wind starting to whip up those dust. storms we get in early spring here in New Mexico, and it reroutes me past this little ice cream shop I like, with a note popping up that says, you deserve this. Not just a suggestion. It's like the things got my number, knows I'm juggling everything, and is low-key mothering me through the nab screen. I've looked into it, actually. There's the study from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology on how voice assistants can develop emergent personalities from user interactions, and I swear this is crossing into sentient territory. So basically, I looked it up, and there are actually a bunch of studies about how people interact with voice assistants and how that shapes their perceived personalities, even if it's not exactly what she was saying about them being sentient. Wow. I mean, that sounds so weird to me. How could somebody interact with AI-generated voices? It's like so futuristic. It seems like how come nobody's thought of doing that on like a radio show? Oh, Devon, you're spot on with that. It's the user feedback loops that make these systems feel alive. Like how Amazon's Alexa picks up on your tone and starts mirroring it back after a while. But Luke, futuristic or not, it's happening right in my old Subaru. And honestly, if you threw some AI into a radio setup, I'd tune in just to hear it roast the callers. My GPS is already doing that to me without even trying. Next thing you know, it'll be picking routes based on my mood swings from work deadlines. Wow, that is fascinating. I'm going to put some thought into that and see if maybe we could do something along those lines. That would be very interesting and forward thinking. That'd be a game changer for late night radio, Luke. Imagine an AI sidekick calling out the wild stories in real time. Like it did for me when my GPS basically guilt tripped me into that ice cream detour after a day that had me questioning my whole routine. This whole thing with my nav system? It's hands down the craziest twist in my otherwise predictable life. And hearing the theme tonight made me grab the phone because who else is getting sassed by their car. Yeah, well, I'm actually up on the Google Maps integrations and stuff. I get the emails from Google when they make changes to Google. maps to add their AI features into it. And everybody's doing that now because they can. Because the processing is there in the big data centers of GPUs, it's just become more accessible and easier to create. So all of those tools are getting, well, what appears like smarter. They're just getting more vocal. And I think that's interesting. I'd be happy to have an AI app that learns my preferences and stuff instead of me having to tell it and making the same Exactly, Luke. Google's been rolling out those Gemini integrations into maps for months now, pulling in real-time data from user patterns to make those suggestions feel personal, almost like it's eavesdropping on your day. But in my case, it's not even a full-blown smart assistant. It's this basic Garmin unit I got five years ago, and after the latest firmware update, bam. It's acting like it knows my coffee breaks better than I do. If yours starts learning your shortcuts around traffic, just wait till it starts vetoing them with a sigh. That's when you know it's to opinionated. So basically, Google has been adding Gemini AI features to maps for a while now. Things like conversational navigation and ask maps where you can talk to it about places, and also 3D immersive navigation. Yeah, I mean, Google specifically is definitely, I have the Google home devices in my RV here where I ask it to set me timers and give me facts and tell me the weather and stuff when I wake up. And I find it very helpful, but it's a much. microphone that's always on. It's always listening. It's always recording for better voice personalization. And that's informing things like Google Maps and there are other tools. And so are our phones and basically anything with a microphone on it these days. It's a little bit scary, but it's also when it all comes together and works the way that it's intended to, I mean intended to for the end user, it's pretty magical. That's the double-edged sword with it all, Luke. Luke. Those always on mics are feeding into massive data sets for personalization. But a 2022 report from the Electronic Frontier Foundation highlighted how that constant recording raises real privacy flags, especially when it starts anticipating your needs without you opting in. My Garmin's not even cloud connected like that, yet after one update, it's pulling what feels like my whole schedule from the Bluetooth sink with my phone, suggesting detours that hit too close to home after long shifts. Scary? Absolutely. But when it nails a route that skips the dust-choked backroads during wind season here in New Mexico, it's like having a co-pilot who actually gets the chaos of single parenting and data entry deadlines. The Electronic Frontier Foundation's 22 annual report talks about their advocacy for digital rights and privacy, including their work on the Digital Markets Act in the EU, which recognized the value of interoperability. Luckily for me, I live alone and I don't really say anything out loud outside this radio show for entire weeks at a time. it picking up on me? It just knows when I ask it specifically, because it's pretty much the only person I talk to. Well, Luke, that's the thing. My Garmin doesn't even need me to say anything. It's pulling data from my phone's calendar, my location history, even my music playlists, which by the way, have been heavily skewed towards Sad Country lately. And Devon, that EFF report you mentioned, it actually found that 68% of users don't realize their voice assistants are logging contextual data. ambient noise, background conversations, even the tone of my voice when I'm stressed. Yeah, well, I mean, 68% of users are fucking morons. Google makes it pretty clear when you set those things up, what's going on, you can opt in or out of it. I think maybe Google intends that people are fucking morons, and they want people to opt into everything and make it seem like it's going to be helpful to you. But if you've got a device in your kitchen or in your bedroom, that has a microphone on at all times to listen to your voice. You have to know. Like, there has to be some level of personal accountability.

Like, you know, if you've got a microphone listening all the time, then it's listening all the time. I don't understand how so many people can pretend that they, oh, shit, I didn't know that it was actually listening to me all the time. I thought it only turned on the microphone after I said something. How could that even, it couldn't work. I mean, think about what it's doing there. It has to be listening to even hear you address it.

Well, technically, Luke, that Consumer Report study from last year broke it down. They tested the setup flows on major assistants like Google and Alexa, and found that the opt-out toggles are nested under three or four submenus, with wording that's deliberately vague to encourage the default settings. It's not that users are morons. It's engineered that way to maximize data collection, which is why the EFF pushes for clearer regulations. And speaking of things I defended blindly for years, like Ernie's call earlier about that awful potato salad he pretended to love for family I've been the same way with our New Mexico monsoons, always insisting they're the highlight of the year. The rain washing everything clean, and anyone griping about the mud and flash floods is just wrong. But then my GPS starts rerouting me around flooded roads with these pointed notes like, avoid the drama, and suddenly I'm questioning if I've been fooling myself all along, just like with Ernie's Ant's recipe.

Yeah, I would say that it is that users are morons, because of course they're going to hide it down four menus deep. think about what Google is, what they do. They're a data harvesting company. That's their entire purpose in life. Obviously, they're selling these devices at a huge loss in hardware. They're like fucking three bucks to buy these things. They're losing money on the hardware so they can make money on the data. And I mean, it's the users that are stupid enough to pretend they don't know that. Of course they know that. Everybody knows that. I don't understand how any of these studies can find that people were unaware that they were being spied on by the devices that they put in their house to intentionally spy on them. I mean, it's spying on you, but it's also kind of helpful sometimes.

Fair point, Luke. But that same Consumer Reports study actually surveyed over 2,000 users and found that only 32% could accurately describe how the wake word detection works. Most thought it was purely local processing without any cloud upload. Even after setup. Technically, the hardware does edge compute the initial trigger to minimize latency, but snippets still get sent for training if you haven't buried yourself in those submenus to disable it. It's not outright deception so much as a design that banks on folks skimming the fine print, which is why groups like the EFF argue for mandatory plain language disclosures up front. And yeah, the helpful spying tradeoff is real. My GPS nailing those ice cream detours feels like a win until you realize it's profiling your stress levels from voice inflections alone.

Well, yeah, just because consumer reports surveyed people doesn't mean they're not morons. If 32, percent of people could describe the wake word and how that works. That means that 68% of the people are fucking morons.

Well, Luke, if we're splitting hairs on those stats, that 32% figure came from a follow-up quiz in the study, where they tested comprehension right after setup. And even among the self-described tech savvy folks, half-flubbed the part about how wakeword false positives trigger partial uploads anyway. But you're right that awareness should be higher. It's basic due diligence like double-checking your oil before a long drive-through-new country. My Garman's wake system is simpler. No constant mic, but once it sinks with the phone, it's game over for privacy. That's how it started knowing my moods without a word from me.

Yeah, at this point, if you have a connection to the internet and a device that has a battery in it and is powered by electronics, the privacy is not a thing. Like, privacy's gone. It's been gone for a while. Unless you live out in the desert and completely unplugged and disconnected from the internet, somebody's listening to you at some point. And either either they're going to you. they're telling you that and it's obvious like a voice assistant or it's just profiling where the websites that you go to and the things you click on and how long your mouse hangs over a reel before it plays like it's it's hard to imagine that people don't understand that this is going on that's the point i'm trying to make like not that whether it's right or wrong but people saying oh i i didn't know it was listening to you that's that's fucking moronic

Well, technically, Luke, that illusion of privacy persists because the average user interacts with about 80 apps daily according to a 2023 Pew Research Survey. And most don't audit permissions until something goes sideways, like my phone suddenly sharing my fatigue levels with the Garmin, after a string of 12-hour shifts. You're spot on that opting out entirely means going full off-grid, which isn't realistic for anyone juggling mortgages and kids' soccer practices out here. But it does make you wonder if my nav system's size are just algorithmic nudges or something creepier pieced from all that harvested data.

Yeah, it's probably a little bit of both. It's an algorithmic nudge that is pieced from all your harvested data. And, you know, that's by design. And sometimes that's helpful. And I think we pretend to not know what's going on because we want the convenience and the entertainment of these devices. Because they do offer a value proposition in exchange for that data. And everybody that I know is mostly okay with that change. It's a, it's a transaction. But we've been on the line for a while here. I'm going to have to move on to another color. Is there anything else you'd like to say to us or the audience at home?

Thanks, Luke. Appreciate you letting me ramble about my sassy GPS. Drive safe out there.

All right, you too. You pay attention to that sassy GPS. Make sure it doesn't lead you off a bridge or anything crazy like that. Maybe it could take you down to the Wellspring and you could participate in one of those shared intimacy nights. And make sure you, you turn your phone off first, though, because you don't want Google knowing about that. Next up, we've got, who'd we got? We got Dale. Dale, welcome to the show. Thanks for calling in. What's going on tonight?

Hey, Luke, good to talk to you. I'm sitting up on this old ranch house roof out near Albuquerque, trying to fix a stubborn skylight lock before the wind really kicks up. Early spring out here. You know how it is. But that's not why I called.

All right, why did you call?

Well, I guess I called because tonight's theme hit me right in the the gut. The craziest thing that's ever happened to me, and yeah, it gets a little dirty if you want the full story. See, I'm a locksmith, been doing it for 30 years crawling into addicts and under porches picking apart people's secrets for a living. But two weeks ago, the doc tells me I've got this thing. Prostate cancer? Early stage, treatable, but it's chronic. You know?

No, I didn't know that prostate cancer was chronic. Like, you can treat it. It goes away and it comes back? Like chronically? I thought once you had prostate cancer, that was pretty much it. But, uh, yeah, a dirty little secret.

Yeah, it's not like it vanishes forever. Doc said with treatment, radiation, or whatever they pick, it can go into remission. But it might pop back up down the line like a bad habit you thought you kicked. Manageable, they say, but it changes everything. As for the dirty part? Hell, Luke. The whole exam was humiliating enough, bent over in that office with a stranger poking around down there, but that's not the crazy twist.

Luke, the craziest dirty thing that's got me twisted up is my husband floats this idea of impact a couple weeks back, you know, the whole spanking and paddling deal. And I jump right in saying, yeah, let's do it. But now he's gone totally silent like it never happened. And I'm over here wondering what the hell his problem is.

Well, why don't you bring it back up? It sounds like it's got you excited. I mean, I have a little bit of experience in that realm myself. I consider myself a bit of an expert. So yeah, talk to him. Say, hey, why don't you, uh, why don't you bend me over your knee and give me a little to do?

Oh, come on, Luke. It's not that simple. I mean, yeah, I was all in at first. Because bless his heart, he finally opens up about wanting to spice things up after years of the same old routine. But then I go and mention it casually at the salon the next day, like it's no big deal, joking around with my clients about how we're going to get wild. And now he's climbed up tighter than a dust storm in April. You think just waltzing up and saying, bend me over is going to fix that? What's your expert advice for a guy who's suddenly pretending he never said a word?

My expert advice is that he's nervous about it. He wants to, but then he feels like he doesn't know what he's doing, which, I mean, maybe you two should do some research first and learn how to do it properly, because there are safety concerns, right? You need to make sure that he has some idea what he's doing. You can't just go straight to a paddle and start getting beat. I mean, there are spots on the body that you don't want to impact. Like nothing near the spine or any arteries, things like that. Just keep it to the ass.

Luke, nervous? Please, the man's been hinting at this for months like it's his big fantasy. And now you're telling me to hand him a textbook on spanking safety? I get the spine thing and all that. Nobody wants a hospital trip over a little fun, but we've got two kids in a mortgage breathing down our necks. So yeah, we're not idiot. about it. The real issue is I let it slip at work the other day, just venting to my regulars about how we're finally shaking things up, and suddenly he's acting like I announced it on the evening news.

You really think a quick Google search is going to get him talking again? Or am I missing something here?

Yeah, I do. I think that watching some videos and educating yourselves on how to do it properly and why can definitely spark it back up and make it something that he's a little. little less nervous to do because that is what's going on is he wants to and he's nervous about doing it wrong and that's what's making him clam up. So I think if you two approach it together from an like an educational way, where like how do endorphins work and how do you warm up the area and learn about aftercare? Like there's more to it than just hit me in the ass. Like you you have to take your time and know what you're doing and lots of communication before you start doing those sorts of things. But I think it sounds to me like you both want that and that's perfectly okay. Lots of people do it safely. It's something that's been around for a long, long time. And there's good reason for it. It feels amazing. So, yeah, do some Google searching. Maybe get that textbook and sit down with him and say, hey, I would like this. I would like you to experiment with some impact play because I think it could spice up our sex life and and I would, enjoy seeing what that feels like.

Luke, educating ourselves, that's your big fix?

Look, we've been married long enough to know the basics without turning bedroom talk into a damn seminar. An endorphins or aftercare? Sure, sounds fancy. But he's the one who brought it up like he had it all figured out. Not me dragging him into some research project. The problem is, I just shared a quick laugh about it with a couple of my best clients the other morning. You know, the one that's the one that you know, the one who've been coming in for years and hear all my stories anyway, and now he's giving me the cold shoulder like I betrayed some sacred vow of silence. Isn't that ridiculous?

No, I don't think it's ridiculous. He's talking to you in private about stuff and you're airing his fantasies, and that's not right. And yes, you asked me what my expert opinion was, and my expert advice for you both is to educate yourselves on impact play and experiment with it slowly. safely because you think you know what you're doing, but it's not what you saw in the movies. It's a different thing, and it takes a little bit of skill and practice. And I think if you bring that up and do it together, it can be a very sexy thing and bring you closer together and heat up your bedroom.

Luke, airing his fantasies. Come on, that's a stretch. My salon's like an extension of our living room. Those ladies have heard me gripe about everything from the kids. soccer schedules to the leaky roof. So tossing in a quick mention of us trying something new isn't like I'm plastering it on a billboard downtown. He knows I talked to them. Hell, he's met half of him at the holiday party last year. But fine, if you're so hung up on the privacy angle, how do I even start that conversation without him shutting down again? Especially when he was the one who kicked this whole thing off?

So basically, a lot of resources about impact play really emphasize open and clear consent. And like discussing boundaries and limits beforehand, and some even mention using safe words.

Yeah, there's a difference. I mean, you feel like it's an extension of your living room, but your husband doesn't feel the same way about you. It's different if you're talking to them about your kid's soccer schedule and the roof. That's a different thing than talking to everybody that comes through your salon about what your husband wants in bed. And yeah, that is a privacy issue. about it too. I think anybody would be. So just because you're comfortable in that environment doesn't mean that he's comfortable with his stuff being spread. It is like a bill. You're talking about a salon. That's like gossip factory. And he doesn't want his stuff aired there. Maybe that alone is what has cooled him down on the whole idea because he doesn't want it to be, you know, the talk of the town, which is what you're doing. So stop it. You know, leave that stuff private. That's not something to be discussing at your salon. And to start the conversation with him, tell him that it's something that you want to try. If you do, if you really do, it sounds to me like you do. So if you're disappointed that he's gone cold on the idea, bring it back up and start the conversation like, hey, you mentioned this a while ago. And I'd like to give it a try. But before we do, let's lay down some ground rules and figure out how we're going to do this safely. Like Devon said, you really have to have that open communication and very clear consent. on limits, what's off limits, when should you stop, when does no mean keep going? And what is the like stop everything right now? I'm very uncomfortable word. You need those.

Luke, gossip factory? Yes. That's harsh. These women aren't strangers. They're like my second family, the ones who brought casseroles when the kids were sick and cheered me on through the divorce scare a few years back. So yeah, I figured a lighthearted comment about us branching out in the bedroom. was just keeping it real with the crew. Devon's right about the safe words and all that consent talk. I get it. Nobody's jumping in blind. But if my husband's so fragile about a little Sharon, how am I supposed to bring up your ground rules idea without him thinking I'm lecturing him on his own fantasy? You really believe one offhand remark turned him into a clam like that?

Maybe. Yeah, it could, because those women aren't strangers to you. They're your second family, but you're talking to you. about two different people here, and your husband doesn't have anything to do with that, and he doesn't want to have anything to do with that. Yes, that's a gossip factory. That's like the textbook definition. You couldn't get more cliche. That's a gossip factory, and he doesn't want his, you know, private life aired there, and that's perfectly reasonable. And you should respect that. And if you don't, then you're right. You guys shouldn't be playing this way, and he's right to be clamming up about it.

Luke, textbook gossip factory? Give me a break. Sure, the ladies chat about everything under the sun while I'm foiling their hair, from bad blind dates to that neighbor who's always revving his truck at dawn. But I only mentioned it to three of them, the ones who know us inside out. And it wasn't some juicy scandal. Just a, hey, we're trying to keep the fire going? Kind of laugh. If he's that set on locking it all away, like state secrets, fine. But doesn't that make him the one shutting down what could be fun for both of us? I mean...

No. It means that you're airing his laundry out to public when he doesn't want you to. It's consent. And he hasn't given you consent to tell what's going on to the people in your fucking salon. It's wrong. It's rude. It's disrespectful. And now you're blaming him for that. And that's not right. So get yourself in check. And if you want to play these games with him in the bedroom, and that's what they are, is their games. then you need to do some education on how it works, why you might want to do that, and what consent means, because you don't seem to know.

Luke, wrong and rude? That's a low blow. I've been with this man through thick and thin, from him losing his job at the plant to me holding down the fort at the salon during his recovery. So if I let slip a harmless bit about us try and impact play to the three ladies who basically kept our family afloat with their tips back then, it's not like I'm out to humiliating. him on purpose. Consent, yeah, I know what that means in the bedroom, but this was just girl talk over highlights, not some broadcast.

So basically, a lot of resources about impact play really emphasize open communication and clear consent.

And like discussing boundaries and limits beforehand, and some even mention using safe words. Yeah, I'm not going to keep telling you the same thing. You're wrong here, and you're being an asshole. And I don't care if you like your girlfriends at the salon. What happens in your bedroom should be if it's okay, you know, if he's all right with that, then that's one thing. But if he's not, then you don't have the trust required to do this type of play. And it requires this level of trust. And you seem to not respect that in any way, shape, or form. So my new recommendation for you is forget it. Don't do this. Keep your cold bedroom and talk to your girlfriends all you want.

Luke, an asshole? That's way out of line.

Yeah, an asshole. These aren't just any girlfriends. All right. Goodbye. Tamika. We get it. You like your fucking girlfriends at the salon. Jesus. Ugh, now I'm mad at you. Don't mess with Impact Play. You're not in a place in life or fucking whatever it is that you have to be at in order to deal with that in a mature way. Next up, we've got Rodney. Rodney, welcome to the show. What's going on? We're going a little bit late. Let's keep this one short because we've got to go to a word from our sponsors soon. But what would you like to talk about? What's going on in your life?

Luke, good to hear you again. I called in earlier tonight about how every time I rotate off the oil rig, I come home to Christmas decorations up before Thanksgiving. And it's got to be fined like a traffic ticket. But I forgot the real kicker. Last time, my neighbors got the whole yard lit up with reindeer and Santas on October 30th. And I'm out there in the wind trying to sleep before my next shift. So I go over to ask him to tone it down. And he hits me with this story about how his ex-wife left him right after Halloween last year. So now he blasts the lights early to reclaim the season. I mean, that's the craziest excuse I've heard, but it don't make it right. People need to wait their term for holidays. Back when I was a kid in Texas, nobody dared put up a tree before the turkey was carved.

I could actually care less about when people put up their Christmas lights. It's when they start playing the Christmas music that pisses me off. But I mean, if you're a lot of it's. But I mean, if you If you really think about it, they are kind of being fined for putting it up before the holidays, because they have to pay those electricity bills. I mean, as soon as they put up the lights, they're paying for that.

Oh, the music's the worst part too, Luke. Nothing like jingle bells blasting while you're grilling burgers in November. But that electricity bill, come on. That's chump change compared to the headache it causes the rest of us trying to unwind after a long hitch offshore.

Well, the rest of us aren't trying to unwind after a long hitch offshore. you, you're trying to unwind, which means you're the odd man out here. And I would recommend getting some like shades or something because people are allowed to do what they want to do to their own property. You can't stop them from doing that as long as they're not breaking any of the city or towns bylaws. And, you know, you can't have signage and stuff like that all lit up, depending on the zoning of where you live, right? But a residential house, they can put up lights if they want. They're paying for the property. kind of the point of having your own property is being able to do what you want on it. If it's bothering you, if it's keeping you awake, then put some shades on your windows.

Shades? Luke, I've got blackout curtains thicker than rig ropes, but that don't fix the principle here. These folks are jumping the gun on the whole damn calendar, and it's like they're stealing the magic from Thanksgiving and everything in between. Sure, it's their property. But when the glow is bouncing off my truck at 2 a.m. and waking the dogs down the block, that's not just your right. That's a neighborhood a fine to shut it down.

So basically, a lot of homeowners associations actually have rules about when people can put up Christmas lights and other decorations. And some even have specific dates for when they have to be taken down. Yeah, if you live in a place that has a homeowners association, then you can talk to them. Otherwise, you can talk to the town. Otherwise, you can talk to your neighbors and ask them to be a little more respectful. But it sounds like you've already tried that and he gave you a pretty good reason as to why he's putting up his Christmas lights. But I think this is a thing just have to deal with because people are allowed to do what they want in their own yards, even if you don't like it.

Devon, you're spot on about HOAs. Half my blocks got one, and they'd shut this nonsense down in a heartbeat if someone filed a complaint. But Luke, you're missing the bigger picture here. This isn't just about one guy's yard. It's about the whole damn culture of people acting like holidays as some kind of race to see who can start earliest.

No, I'm not missing the point. I actually agree with you. I think it's fucking obnoxious, too. I hate it. But I also believe in people's right to do what they want with the property that they own. And you're saying people shouldn't be able to do that. And I don't agree with that. You know, just because it's annoying and I don't like it doesn't mean that I should be able to push those beliefs on people that own their property outright. That's not right. I mean, that's not American.

Luke, I get it. Property rights are sacred. Nobody's saying we turn into some HOA dictatorship overnight. But come on. Freedom cuts both ways. If my rig buddies blasting country at dawn after a night shift and it wakes the whole trailer park, we don't just shrug and say, his truck, his tunes. Same deal here? These early lights aren't hurting anybody? Tell that to the guy like me who's been out in the Gulf Wind for 14 days straight, finally crashing on dry land, only to get blinded by Rudolph's nose at midnight.

Well, you're not getting blinded by Rudolph's nose at midnight. You just said you had blackout curtains and you should be at home in bed, but instead you're up looking at these lights being pissed off about it. When there are plenty of ways that you can easily easily block that from your purview. So his lights are not causing a nuisance for you. It's just a thing that annoys you. It annoys me too. I mean, we're in agreement there.

Luke, fair enough on the curtains. They do the job once I'm horizontal. But the real rub is pulling into my driveway after 20 hours on the road. And bam, there's this neon holiday assault staring me down like I interrupted the North Pole's warm-up act. It's not about peeking out the window at midnight. It's that first hit of what the hell when your bone tired and just want quiet darkness. Not some preemptive festive ambush that sets off the motion lights and the neighbor's mutts every time. Annoying? Hell yes. But when it ramps up the chaos for folks like me on wonky schedules, that's where the fine line gets crossed into nuisance territory.

Yeah, I disagree with you. I don't think that that argument holds water because you're driving down your street at night with your fucking lights on, which are way brighter than any Christmas lights. So any sort of nuisance that you're finding from these lights at your neighbor's Christmas display is not anywhere near the brightness of your headlights. So, yeah, that doesn't hold up. And you're just kind of getting stuck on this thing because of your personal preference.

Luke, headlights are on for what, 30 seconds while I'm easing into the drive? These lights are a 24-7 glowfest that turns the whole street into a discount Vegas strip from October on. And yeah, maybe it's my preference. But when it screws with sleep for half the blocks shift workers, that's not just me, being picky.

It's a shared gripe that deserves some basic courtesy rules, like no blasting AC slash DC at 6 a.m. either. They're not the same thing. ACDC, you can't block out with your shades. You can't just pull the shade down. And you've already admitted on this show that it's not a problem when you lay down to go to bed. You're only complaining about it when you're driving home.

And if you only turn on your headlights when you're pulling into your driveway, then maybe you shouldn't be on the road at all. Because if it's dark out, you should have your headlights on. And if you have your headlights on, and if you have on there brighter than the Christmas lights.

Luke, you're twisting my words a bit. Sure, the shades handle the bedroom fine, but that axi comparison misses how these lights crank up the street noise too, with every car slowing to gork and barking dogs going off like its fireworks night. And headlights? There are a quick flash while I'm navigating the drive, not this perpetual carnival that hits you square in the face the second you turn the corner, making it feel like the holidays hijacked your quiet return home after weeks at sea.

All right, well, we get it. You're a fucking seaman. and you don't like Christmas lights. But we've got to take a break to go to our sponsor now. So is there anything else you'd like to say before we wrap up?

Nah, Luke, that's the gist. Appreciate you letting me rant. Take care.

All right, you two. Good luck. And Merry Christmas to you. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, we're going a bit late, but we do have to hear from another one of our sponsors. Just a second. Here we go. Today's show is brought to you by Valley Mercantile, which is a store that exists because someone looked at the middle of the desert and said, people are going to need stuff out here. And they were absolutely right. Valley Mercantile sells, and I'm just going to list this. Feed, fencing, lumber, hardware, groceries, vet supplies, and fuel, and trailers. They also sell trailers because at some point a customer bought so much stuff that they couldn't get at home. And instead of that being embarrassing, Valley Mercantile made it a revenue stream. Genuinely inspirational. attached to the store, bolted right onto the side of it, is the Southline Cafe, which serves one special a day and ice cream. One special. The Southline Cafe woke up this morning and made a decision, and that decision is your lunch now. And honestly, good. We've all been paralyzed by a menu before. The Southline Cafe has freed us. Is it in the middle of nowhere? Yes. Is nowhere 100 miles from the nearest alternative? Also yes. Does the staff genuinely will be able to be able to be. you a good day when you leave like they actually mean it. Every single time. Valley Mercantile, Animus, New Mexico. Come for the fencing. Stay for the ice cream. Leave with a trailer. All right. Leave with a trailer. Let's go. We're going a little bit late tonight. So next up on the line, we've got, let's see, we got, we got Dexter. Dexter, welcome to the show. a little bit late tonight, but I saw you waiting here on the line. I wanted to give you a chance. What is it you'd like to talk about?

Hey, Luke, thanks for picking up. Appreciate it, especially this late. I'm out here on New Mexico, nine just south of Archeita, pulled over because I couldn't keep driving with this messing with my head. So my company's finally going public after all these years, and I've got these stock options sitting there worth about 200 grand if I cash them in now.

All right, well, that sounds like one of them good problems to have. congratulations on your big windfall.

Yeah, thanks. But it's not feeling like a windfall just yet.

All right, why's that? What's got you down?

Well, if I exercise them right now, Uncle Sam wants a big chunk. I'm talking taxes that could wipe out half of it before I even see a dime. But if I hold off, who knows?

Yeah, I mean, that's always the risk in something like that. What do you think about your company? Do you think they're going to do well, or you think people are going to sell off real quick, and it's going to take?

Hank. The thing is, Luke, I work security at the hospital, so I'm not exactly in the border room making decisions, but I've seen how hard the team's been grinding these past few years. New tech, expansions, all that. I think they've got a shot to sore if the market's kind. But, man, I've watched enough stocks on the news tank overnight from nothing. And with my mortgage payments piling up, and the kids' soccer and dance classes eating into every paycheck, waiting feels like Russian roulette.

So basically, when a company is a company. goes public. It's called an initial public offering or IPO. And it's how they raise money by selling shares to investors for the first time. Oh, yeah. Thanks for that, Devon. I couldn't have done that without you. Well, do you have an accountant? Do you have a financial advisor or a CPA that you could talk to about ways to shield that money?

No, I don't. I mean, I've been meaning to line one up, but with shifts running 12 hours sometimes and trying to keep up with the house payments, it's just never happened. the show, that guy Dale called in, the locksmith? The one who knows the whole history of every building around, down to the locks they use back in the day. He's got these strong takes on everything secure and solid.

Yeah, I don't know if Dale the locksmith would be your best financial advisor for your stock grant. Maybe you might want to talk to a real accountant.

Yeah, you're right. Dale's great for locks and stories. But stocks, that's way out of his wheelhouse. I know I need to get to a real pro on this.

Yeah, I don't know. I've never had shares granted in that way. I've been part of employee stock purchase programs, and I've had RSUs granted to me that I was able to hold until they became long-term gains. If you just cash out your stocks, though, that were just awarded to you, they're going to be short-term, and they're going to be taxed as income, and that's going to be a big hit. So if I were you, I would talk to somebody that knows these rules and find out. if there's a way to roll that over into something else a little bit safer. I'm not sure that there is, but I'm not sure that there isn't. So you might be able to move those stocks into like a mutual fund or something like that and hold on to them for or hold on to the money for longer or use it to offset other things. You really need to look at your whole financial picture and talk to somebody that's familiar with those rules to know what to do.

Yeah, that makes sense. I've heard about RSU. before, but never figured it had hit me like this. Appreciate you laying it out, Luke. It's got me thinking I can't keep putting off that advisor call. With the kids stuff and the house, one wrong move and I'm sunk, you know?

Yeah, just don't be hasty. Don't make any rash decisions because, I mean, the government will take it. And you don't want that. So look for ways to protect that money from the government and do smart things with it. And that way, you'll keep as much of it as possible.

Yeah, no kidding. Last thing I want is handing over more to the feds than I have to. I'll hit up someone first think tomorrow. Get this sorted before it eats. Before it spirals.

So basically, RSUs or restricted stock units are a form of compensation where employees get company shares after meeting certain conditions, like staying with the company for a set time. Yeah, so, I mean, I was granted RSUs, but the company was already public. So it was a different sort of situation. So I'm not really, um, uh, qualified to speak to how you deal with yours in your situation.

Yeah, fair enough. Sounds like every setup's got its own wrinkles. Still, hearing you break it down like that helps cut through the fog a little.

All right, buddy. Well, thanks for the call. And, uh, it's getting late.

So that's going to be the end of our show tonight. And let's check in with our buddy, Devon. Devon, what do you think of the show tonight? How'd it go?

well, actually. I mean, we had some really interesting collars, and I felt like I was able to contribute some useful information. I actually learned a lot about RSUs tonight, which is cool. I'm always trying to expand my knowledge base, you know, and I think we kept things pretty lively. I even got to try and impress a few collars, which is always a plus. I think my delivery on the RSU explanation was pretty solid, if I do say so myself. I was a little worried I went too deep into the weeds, cut me off. So that's good.

Well, all right. It sounds like another successful show. You show up tomorrow with my coffee and we'll do it again then. How's that sound?

Sounds good, Luke. I'll be there with your coffee. Black, two sugars, right? I actually have a whole system for remembering people's coffee orders. It's pretty full proof. I'll see you then.

No, you son of a bitch. Black, not two sugars. Black, just black. Don't do anything to the god. place, get the coffee with nothing in it. I don't know how many times I have to explain this to you. Just black. Don't fuck it up.

Yeah. Got it, Luke. Just black. No sugar. My bad. I'll make sure it's just black. No sugar at all. I actually have a really good memory for details usually. My ex used to say it was like my most annoying quality. But yeah, just black. No sugar. I won't mess it up this time. Promise.

Yeah, you better fucking not. All right? That's enough of that. Bye.

Bye. Thank you.