Episode 50: Deb's Mounted Jackrabbit and Seven Years of Silence

All right. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's the late-night call-in radio show where you can call in and tell me what's going on in your life. I'll give you the very best advice that I can. Today is Thursday, April 9th, and if you would like to call in, our number is 208-439-58-3. That's 208-439 Luke. It's been a couple days since we had a show. I've been working hard on passing my certified Kubernetes administrator exam, which has been not a whole lot of fun, but, you know, life goes on, and we will get there. We surely will. Let's check in with our faithful intern, Devon, and see what he's been up to the last couple of days. Hey, Devon, what's your, what are your days been like the last couple days?

Oh, man, the last couple days have been intense. Yesterday, I finally got around to cleaning my studio and found this old journal from high school where I wrote fanfic about being a pirate therapist. Threw most of it out but kept one page for reasons I can't explain. And today, my civics check engine lights started flashing like Morse code. So I pulled over on 180 and just sat there listening to the show on my phone until it calmed down. What's up with you, though?

Well, I've been watching clips from The Wire. a series from, I don't know, 2001-ish, and remembering how good that was. And studying for my exam here, my Kubernetes exam, which is not been a time of fun. I took it the other day, and it was a big pain in the ass. It's an online proctored test, so you've got to take your webcam and it's panning around the room, all slow-like, so they can make sure you don't have any of the answers written on the walls. And the guy fucked with me the whole time through the whole test. He's like, ah, there's a dog in your room. You can't have animals. Let me see under your keyboard. Don't touch your face. Like, there is just a bunch of rules and bullshit around this test that, uh, that wasn't great. And, uh, and I failed it. I got a 62 out of 66. So I missed the question. And now I have to retake the test again tomorrow and deal with all that bullshit. Uh, regarding being a pirate therapist. Were you a pirate and a therapist? Or were you a therapist for pirates or both?

like I'd sail around patching up their scurvy egos after mutinies or whatever with a parrot that repeated affirmations. I think I wrote it after this one therapy session where the guy was obsessed with Treasure Island and it just spiraled from there. That Kubernetes stuff sounds brutal though, man. Did the Proctor make you show him your fridge or anything?

Yeah, well, I mean, not inside the fridge, but I had to pan the camera all around and show him every wall and surface in the floor and under my desk. about the dog and I got dinged like he paused the test and was like we're going to kick you out because I was talking to myself because I couldn't remember how to do math and bash like a moron but you know I got through it failed it and I have to do it again tomorrow and I won't fail it this time I never fail the same thing twice that's a rule that I try to live by but pirate therapy sounds like an important and interesting profession did you know that the pastafarians consider pirates to be godly creatures?

The Proctor sounds like a total nightmare. Pausing the test over a dog and you mumbling math, brutal. Yeah, Pashtafarians straight up venerate pirates as divine beings, like the original chosen people of the flying spaghetti monster, and they blame global warming on there being fewer pirates nowadays. It's all in their gospel or whatever. Pirate therapy would have been a booming field there.

Yeah, you can't really disprove it because, I mean, I've seen the chart. chart. The lack of pirates as the pirate population has declined, global warming has increased. So you can see how they got there.

Yeah, that graph is one of the best things on the internet. It's got this perfect downward line for pirates since like 10,800 and the temp shooting up right after. Kind of makes you wonder if we should all start sailing just to save the planet. Good luck on the retake tomorrow, though. You'll crush it.

Yeah, I better fucking crush it because I don't want to do this shit again. It's an expensive test. And I almost quit before I even started. because the proctor was such a dick. It took everything I had, not to be like, you know what, this isn't fucking worth it. Like the two hours that I have to sit here with you, you motherfucker, it's not worth the certification, but I need the certification, so I'm going to have to keep taking that test until I pass it. And tomorrow is the day at 8.30 p.m.

Man, 8.30 tomorrow? That's prime showtime. You'll be acing that test while we're probably debating if Bigfoot prefers podcasts or vinyl. Hang in there, though. Sounds like you've got the grit for it. shit again, just picture him as a scurvy ridden cabin boy.

I picture everybody as a scurvy ridden cabin boy, because I mean, at our core, isn't that what we all are? All right, let's get started with this show, Devon. You think we're going to have a good one today? You ready?

Yeah, man, I think tonight's going to be a banger. Lines are already lighting up, and I've got this weird feeling we're diving into some conspiracy-level alien abductions or whatever. I'm ready. are queued, coffee's hot, let's do this.

All right, let's do this. First up on our caller line here, we've got Deb. Deb, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life tonight? How can we help you?

Oh, thank you for taking my call, Luke. I'm sorry, I know it's late. I'm Deb, by the way. I'm calling because I can't sleep and I've been sitting here staring at my phone for like two hours now, and I just need to talk to someone who isn't Gerald. That's my Jack Rabbit. Mounted Jackrabbit on my nightstand. I already talked to him about this, and he's not helping. My son sent me a Facebook friend request tonight. After seven years, Luke.

Hmm. Well, actually, you're in luck because Devon, our intern, is actually a connoisseur of taxidermy, so maybe he's got something to add there.

Wait, that's actually really interesting. I just looked it up. And it turns out Jackrabbits are generally considered wild animals typically kept as pets. So a mounted one makes a lot more sense.

All right. So your son sent you a Facebook request. Did you have some sort of falling out? Or is there a reason that you weren't Facebook friends? How old is your son? And is it odd that he is even using Facebook at all? Because I think anybody under 40 doesn't.

Well, Devon, yes. Gerald is mounted. I did that work myself, actually. I'm a taxidermist now, part time. Used to be a dental hygienist, but I got bit by a patient. during a cleaning, and I just, I took it as a sign, you know? So that's what I do now. But Luke, my son is 32. His name is Michael.

All right, and did you have some sort of a falling out with Michael? Are you not speaking to Michael? Is that what makes this Facebook request meaningful, or is it just Facebook? Like, do you talk to him regularly on the phone, and you're offended that he wouldn't accept your Facebook friend request, or what's the deal there?

No, we don't talk. We haven't talked in seven years, Luke. Not since he was 25. He just, he cut me off. I don't even know exactly why anymore. I mean, I know what I did, but he never really explained it to me. We just stopped. No calls, no texts, nothing. And then tonight, out of nowhere, this request shows up on my phone.

Well, why don't you tell us what you did, so we can have some more context over what's going on here. Are you sure it's him and his account wasn't hacked? Because sometimes that happens, and somebody's Facebook account is given to a and then the bot will, you know, request everybody in their contact list or who knows? What did you do?

I don't think it's hacked. The picture looks like him. Older, but it's him. As for what I did, I chose my boyfriend over him.

His name was Rick. Michael didn't approve and I didn't listen to him. Michael was going through something at the time. I think he needed me. And I was just so wrapped up in Rick that I missed it.

Okay. Well, I don't think that the picture is good enough. evidence to let you know that a request is real or not. Maybe you should actually call your son and ask if that's real. Because that happens pretty frequently with the hacked accounts. But is Rick still in the picture? Is Rick still around?

No. No, Rick's not around anymore. We broke up about five years ago. So I chose him over my son and then Rick left me anyway. Which, you know, I deserve that, I think. And you're right about calling him. I know I should probably call him. But Luke, I can't.

It's true. Hacked accounts are a huge problem on Facebook. They even have a dedicated page on their Help Center for recovering accounts if you've been hacked.

Yeah, well, good luck ever using anything on their Help Center. Like, it doesn't matter how many dedicated pages they have. Nobody's looking at them.

Yeah, Deb, why can't you call him? What's the problem? You chose your boyfriend over him. Okay, you made a mistake. But it's been seven years, so why do you think you can't call him now? Obviously, you feel like he's reaching out to you, and maybe he is? Maybe he is. And why is a Facebook friend request less meaningful than a phone call?

Because a phone call means I have to actually say something, Luke. I have to explain myself or apologize or I don't know what. With the friend request, he's already done the hard part. He's already decided to reach out. If I accept it, then maybe he's already forgiven me. I don't have to ask.

I don't think you have to ask. Just call. And if the answer is, then you can have a conversation, then maybe you can. consider yourself forgiven. But you should have that conversation. You're a big girl and you're able to have difficult conversations and your son is important in your life and it's silly not to talk to him for so long over some dude that left five years ago. So now you're alone. You got nobody to talk to and your son's reaching out. I think you should just, I mean, ignore the Facebook request for now because it could be malicious and call your son and just say, hey, I don't want to not talk anymore.

You're right. You're right. I know you're right. I just, I'm scared he won't answer. Or he'll answer and he'll tell me he didn't send it, that his account was hacked, and then I'm back to square one. Or worse, he'll answer and I won't know what to say and I'll mess it up again. But you're right. I'm sitting here talking to a mounted jackrabbit at three in the morning when my son is trying to reach me. That's, that's pretty pathetic, isn't it?

Well, I don't know that I would say that it's pathetic. I mean, I'm talking to strangers on the on a radio show, so is that pathetic? Maybe. But interpersonal communication is complicated, and it's hard to say what's right and wrong there, but what matters is that you want to talk to your son. You did make a mistake, and you're big enough to admit that you made a mistake, and if that's all it takes, you can resolve the situation. So if you call and he answers, you're not at square one. That's well beyond square one, right? Because you've got him on the line. And then all you have to do is say hello and see what his life is like. And if you is willing to be a part of yours again.

Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. I'm going to do it. I'm going to call him tomorrow. Not tonight because it's three in the morning and that's just going to scare him. But tomorrow, during the day, I'm going to call my son and I'm going to tell him I'm sorry. And I'm going to ask him if we can talk. Really talk.

All right. Well, good for you. I hope that goes well for you. good night's sleep. And it's not as big a deal as you probably are feeling like it is. It's just a just a conversation with family. So get it out of the way and see where it goes. And maybe maybe this whole thing is just a big misunderstanding that could be put behind you in the past. Next up on our caller line, we've got Preston. Preston, thanks for calling in. What's going on in your life tonight? How can we help you?

Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking the call. Yeah. So I'm Cody, actually. But that's not really the point. Look, I'm calling because I just got completely screwed over at the Cortez Regional BBQ Championship last weekend. And I need people to know what's happening out there. I drove four hours with my brisket wrapped in a moving blanket in the back seat, heat on the whole way to keep it perfect, and I got disqualified. Disqualified, Luke. The head judge said I used an illegal binder, an illegal binder. An illegal binder. I used beef tallow.

All right. Well, sorry about that, Cody. Devon, you want to take a look and see why I'm seeing his name is Presto? The man's name is Cody. We don't want to be referring to people as the wrong name. All right. Let's break this down. So you're in a barbecue competition. You brought your barbecue and they said you can't have beef tallow as a binder. What's a binder when it comes to barbecue? I'm not familiar with the barbecue terminology. Isn't brisket not bound together? I think of a binder as like a sausage wrapper. Right.

Okay. So a binder is basically what you use the rub stick to the meat. Most guys use mustard. Some use Worcestershire, whatever. I used beef tallow because it's traditional, it's clean, it's just rendered fat from the beef itself. Nothing illegal about it. Nothing in the rulebook says you can't use it. But here's the thing, Luke. I've got photos on my phone. I have a whole folder labeled evidence. I watched those judges huddled up before they even tasted my entry. They were talking to each other, nodding, and then boom, my brisket gets pulled.

Okay. Well, if you've actually looked at the real rules from this competition and you feel like you are wrongly disqualified, then maybe you've got to talk to the leadership of the competition itself. Is it a national competition or just a little local thing?

It's regional. Cortez regional. But Luke, that's the thing. The leadership is in on it. I'm telling you, there's a cartel operating in the four-corner scene. These same judges show up at every competition and they're protecting their buddies.

They very well could be true. And there's not too much you can do about that because it's a regional barbecue competition. So the stakes are not that high and there's no regulatory body making sure that they're all on the up and up, right? So I think the best thing that you could do if you really care about the Cortez Regional Barbecue competition is to get yourself on that leadership. Is that something you can do? Could you become a judge yourself and weed out the corruption and the conspiratorial forces that are undercut. the common man and the barbecue competition?

I mean, yeah, I could try to get on the board or whatever, but that's not going to happen overnight. These guys have been running this thing for years. They're not going to let someone in who's asking questions. But here's what I really need you to understand, Luke. My brisket was good. It was really good. I know it was. I've been doing this for eight years on the competitive circuit. I know what I'm doing. And they took that away from me because I don't play their game.

Yeah, I understand that. thing that happens in small regional competitions and any sort of group of people. There's always a class of people that sort of are the elder statesmen or the ones that make the rules and, you know, the gatekeepers. But, uh, I mean, if you if you don't want to get on the board, you're not going to change their decision because there's nobody to talk to that isn't them, right? They're the highest echelon of, uh, of leadership in the competition.

So if you, want to really try out your barbecue for real, maybe bring it to a different competition and don't participate anymore. Additionally, if you want to just bash the shit out of them on social media and reveal the conspiracy, you can do that, but it's going to make you look like a sore loser. So I recommend ignoring that. Just don't stress about the Cortez Regional and move on to something bigger and better.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I do. And maybe you're right that I should just move on to the next one. But Luke, It's not just about me, you know. There's other guys getting screwed, too. I know there are. I've talked to people after competitions. Guys who know their meat was better than what placed. They're just scared to say anything because these judges control the whole circuit out here. And I'm not going to bash them on social media like some angry kid. I'm not a sore loser. I just looked up Four Corners Barbecue Competition Cartel. And there's nothing about a cartel, but there is a Cook Cartel-BQ Cartel mentioned in relation to a New Zealand competition.

Well, I mean, this seems very important to you. And maybe it is. And that's okay. If it's how important to you is it? Are you willing to kill them?

What? No, man, I'm not going to kill anybody. Come on. I just want people to know what happened. I want validation that my brisket was good enough to win on its own merit. You know, that's what this is really about. I spent months perfecting that rub. I drove four hours with it wrapped up like it was made of glass. And some guy with the clipboard decided it didn't matter. because of politics. That stings, Luke. It really does.

I understand. It takes a long time to make a brisket. And, you know, you've put your, your heart and soul into that meat blob. So I can understand why you'd be disappointed, but we're thinking about next steps here. And it seems like in this particular competition, there are no next steps because you're being disqualified by the people at the very top. At least that's what you're telling me. If there's some way to appeal that decision, or I mean, You can try to do a little media campaign and trash them, but it's going to backfire on you. So the only steps forward are to try another competition that's in a different area that has better defined rules and people that are maybe not as corrupt.

You're right. You're probably right. I just, I needed to say it out loud to somebody. You know, I needed someone to hear me. Because in that parking lot, after they told me I was disqualified, I had something in my eye from the smoke, and I just sat there for like 20 minutes. Told my girlfriend, it was the smoke.

Oh, man. Now, I mean, she knows. She knows the truth. I don't think it's really all that important. We're talking about a slab of meat here. You can take that anywhere. Talk to your, talk to your people, talk to your friends, give out samples and ask them what they think of your brisket. And if they think it's a championship winning material, I'll tell you what, if you want to cut off a slab about 20 pounds or so and send that to Devon and I, will let you know how good your brisket is. is.

Really? You'd actually do that? That's cool of you, man. I appreciate that. I really do. Yeah. I mean, I could probably swing that. I'd have to smoke another one. But honestly, that might be good for me anyway.

Yeah, well, if you do that, I'll tell you what. I'll make a deal with you. If you send us 20 pounds of brisket to test, I will review it myself personally, and we'll start our own barbecue competition. Here, Luke at the roost will. And we'll accept brisket's. and ribs from anybody that wants to send them in, and we'll tell our entire audience how good the barbecue is and choose a winner. And we'll do it fairly and pick no favorites.

Wait, are you serious right now? Like an actual competition through your show? That's actually something. That's real. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'll do it. I'll smoke a fresh brisket and get it out to you guys.

All right. Get it done. And stay on the line for a second. Devon will be with you to get the details and where to and all that, and we'll see how it goes, all right? Good luck on your next competitions, and I'm sure your brisket is fantastic. Next up, we've got Gina. Gina, thanks for calling the show tonight. What's going on in your life? How can we help you?

Luke, I appreciate you taking the call, and it's Reginald, actually. Reginald Hartley. I've been listening to your show for about eight years now, and I need to tell you something about that recording you put up three nights ago. The one on 1420. I heard it. I heard what you pulled out of the hydrogen line. and I need to know if you still have the original file. Because what you're sitting on, Luke, I don't think you understand what you're sitting on.

All right there, Reginald. I don't know. What's going on, Devon, with our caller names? Because this isn't Gina. This is clearly not Gina. But thanks for the call, Reginald. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I didn't put up any audio on 1420. I haven't turned on the ham radio in quite some time. And even if I did, I would not be broadcasting audio recordings because that's against FCC regulations.

You're right. You're right. I misspoke. You didn't broadcast it. I caught it myself on my receiver three nights ago at 247 in the morning. The signal came through on 1420 and I heard you. Or I heard something that sounded like your voice patterns, your cadence, mixed in with this other thing, this repeating tone underneath. And I've been monitoring that frequency ever since. Because, Luke, it comes back every 71 minutes. Exactly. 71 minutes. I know how this sounds.

Um, well, I mean, there are lots of tones that are broadcast underneath the audio channel in, in radio. So it could be just a squelch tone. It could be, uh, um, DTMF, I think it's called. There are several types of tones that you could expect to hear down in that frequency range. I'm not sure what this, what is this you're talking about, the hydrogen line?

No, Luke. No. No. I, spent 32 years as a radar technician in the Air Force. I know what squelch tones sound like. I know DTMF. I know every standard transmission protocol that should be on that band.

Okay. I believe you. So why don't you tell us what you think you heard?

Thank you. Thank you for asking me to explain it properly. The hydrogen line is 1,420 megahertz. It's sacred ground in radio astronomy, Luke. Nobody transmits there. It's protected, but three nights ago. Three nights ago exactly, which matters because it was the anniversary. I picked up a carrier wave underneath what sounded like voices.

Okay. So, I mean, there's a lot of explanations for that. Somebody could have not known that it was a protective, protected frequency or not cared and just been broadcasting with their, who knows? It could have been a handheld radio that they were playing with and it was just on 1420. If you know that it's a protected frequency, why were you monitoring 1420?

I monitor it. because I've been logging anomalies for 37 years, 34 volumes in a green ledger book. Started in 1987, most of its noise, interference, nothing. But I checked that frequency every night at the same time, because it's clean. It's supposed to be clean. And Luke, the reason I'm calling you specifically, the reason I'm calling tonight, is because I recognize something in that carrier wave underneath the voices. A pattern.

It's actually super interesting that Reginald brought up the hydrogen, line because it's a specific spectral line at 142-040-575-176-8 megahhertz, and it's from a spin-flip transition of a hydrogen atom. Huh. Well, that's kind of interesting. It's sometimes called the 21-centimeter line because the wavelength of that specific frequency is about 21 centimeters. Okay, you said you heard a pattern, and the pattern was the cadence and audible of my voice?

The pattern isn't your voice, Luke. I'm sorry.

I wasn't clear. The pattern is the interval. Every 71 minutes, the signal returns. Not random drift, not interference. A deliberate 71-minute cycle. I've logged eight complete cycles now.

Okay, you've logged eight cycles since when? When did they begin?

Three nights ago. Like I said, three nights ago at 247 in the morning. That's when I first detected it. And Luke, I need to tell you why that matters. That date was the third anniversary of my wife's death, Celia. She passed three years ago to the day, and I was up monitoring like I always am on that night. And that's when it came through. I've backed up the audio file. Three separate USB drives. Well, I'm... I keep them in different rooms of the house. I don't know who else to tell this to, Luke. I'm 78 years old. I won't be around forever. If something happens to me, if I'm gone. that nobody knows about Celia. Nobody knows about the 71-minute cycle. That's why I'm calling.

Okay, well, something else happened three nights ago, too. There's a ceasefire called in the war on Iran, so there's probably lots of radioactivity happening. I don't know if it's your wife calling you from Beyond the Grave, and maybe it is, but it could also be a terrorist sleeper cell in the United States being activated.

I don't think it's my wife calling from beyond, Luke. not a fool, but you're right that something happened three nights ago. Multiple things, and that's exactly why I'm calling. Because if it is what you're suggesting, if it's something terrestrial and hostile, then people need to know. People need to be listening. And if it's something else, something we don't have a framework for yet, then we need documentation.

Well, maybe you should reach out to the FCC or your local amateur radio group, the ARRL, ARRL, and they might be able to triangulate the source of that signal. figure out what it really is.

I've thought about that. I have. But Luke, the FCC takes weeks. The RL takes longer. And by then the signal could stop. Or it could be classified. Or it could be explained away as weather phenomenon or solar activity. I've seen it happen before. I've watched things disappear. That's why I'm calling you.

I just looked up how the FCC handles these things. And it looks like they have an enforcement bureau that works with local agencies to resolve interference complaints. But it also says they, train amateur radio operators to monitor frequencies. Yeah, I think if you talk to your local amateur radio clubs, one of them is an amateur class extra that it would be super into looking that stuff up and going on a fox hunt. So that would be my first recommendation to you is to talk to the radio nerds in your area that could also pick up that signal. I am a radio nerd, but I'm not going looking for the source of a terrorist broadcast. Otherwise, I'm not sure what to tell you. You could send us a copy of that USB drive and we'll hold it safely for you in our Luke at the Roost safety deposit box where we keep all the conspiratorial evidence just in case. We could do that for you. Otherwise, my recommendation is to talk to your local amateur service and find somebody that can help.

I appreciate that, Luke. I do. Sending you a drive. That's actually smart. That's insurance. But you're right about the local. local clubs. I know some people.

All right, that is smart because I'm a very smart guy. And good luck to you. I hope that your radio transmission recordings are safe and outlive you forever. And we can figure out what they are and that they're not terrorists. So, ladies and gentlemen, that brings us to the time in the show where we have to take a moment for a word from our sponsors. Need to pawn a TV, but also get your kids with you? We get it. Life's complicated. That's why Big Terrence opened Lil Rascal's pawn and daycare, the only business in the tri-state area where you can hawk a generator and get two hours of supervised child enrichment, all under one roof. Here's the layout. Left side of the building, pawnchop. Guitar, power tools, a surprising number of saxophones. Right side of the building, a fully functioning daycare with coloring books, juice boxes, and Miss Patty. who's been watching children since 1987 and has never once raised her voice because Miss Patty doesn't need to. Miss Patty communicates through eye contact and an energy that can only be described as corrective. Is there a wall between the two sides? There is now. The inspector was very clear about that. Big Terrence installed drywall the same week. Is it load-bearing? Big Terrance says don't worry about it. Drop off your kid. On your stuff. Pick up both on the way home. Lil Rascals' pawn and daycare, two businesses, one building, zero complaints that have held up in court, open six days a week, closed Sunday because Miss Patty goes to church, and Big Terrence respects that. All right, and we're back. So it seems like we've got an issue with our caller screen. I'm not getting the correct names for people, so tell you what, I'm just going to ask. Hey, uh, you got the show. this is Luke at the Roost. Who are we talking to?

Hi, Luke. I'm Yassania. Thanks for taking my call. I've been listening for like 20 minutes trying to get through. So I'm still kind of, yeah. Hi.

Hi. You sound very sleepy, Yassinia. What kind of name is that? Where are you from?

It's Yesina, E-N-I-A. I'm from here like the Valley. My family's from Mexico originally, born here in Texas. And yeah, I'm tired because I just got off work like an hour ago. I work overnight at Waterburger on weekends, so my sleep schedule is pretty messed up right now.

I understand my sleep schedule is usually pretty messed up. So what has you calling in tonight? How can we help you?

Okay, so I got into a nursing program. Like, I applied twice over two years and I finally excited about it, but my mom wants me to defer. Again, she wants me to come home and help with my younger siblings because my stepdad just had back surgery and he can't do a lot right now. And she needs me there. And I know that sounds like, okay, family comes first, right? But I already deferred once before.

Nope. I would disagree. Family does not come first. You come first. And if you're, uh, you finally got the position that you're trying to get to get. into, you should go for that. You're not the one that decided to have a bunch of kids and didn't think about how you were going to manage them. So that's on your mother to figure out. If she's going to make a deal with some of her friends to come over and help out, then fine. But you've got, you've got a plan. You just got accepted into, looks like your dream program. So I think that you should do that and your mother will have to deal with it.

I know. I know that's what I should do. I just, it's hard because she makes me feel like I'm being selfish. Like, she'll say things like, after everything I've done for you, and family takes care of family. And I believe that. I do. But I also, I've been working these overnight shifts at Waterburger for two years. I applied to this program using the Wi-Fi during my 3 a.m. breaks.

Yep, and now's your chance, and you should take it. And that's what mothers do. No matter what it is that you do, to make you feel guilty for it. So don't worry about it. I mean, you just have to put that aside and go do what you need to do for your own development and the life that you want to live, because this is, this is your time to do that. And if that's selfish, then fine. Who cares? We're talking about yourself. So this is the time to be selfish. It's different if there's a serious, like, if you found out your mother had terminal cancer and she had three months to live, you would go down there to spend those three months and help out. But just because your dad had a back surgery doesn't mean that they can't manage the household. They're the ones that chose to have several kids and they have to deal with those consequences.

So my recommendation for you is to be happy. Congratulations on getting accepted to your program and go do it.

Yeah, yeah, okay. I think I needed to hear that from someone who isn't. I mean, I told my mom I was calling a friend. tonight because I knew if she found out I was calling a radio show, she'd be upset. But, hearing you say it like that, like it's actually okay to do this for me. I keep the acceptance letter in my apron pocket. I touch it during slow hours at work when I'm restocking or whatever, just to make sure it's real. And I'm scared that if I defer again, I won't go back. I'll just stay there and help and help. And then, one day, I'll be 30, and I never went.

Yep, and your instincts are very right there. That's exactly what would happen. So don't let that happen. You've got your opportunity now and take it. And don't feel guilty about it at all because it's your life and you're building it now. So build it the way that you want it to be because you're going to have to live with it for the next 60 years.

Okay, okay. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell her tomorrow that I'm going. I'm not deferring again. I'm just, I needed to hear someone say it out loud, you know? okay that I'm allowed to do this because in my head I know it, but saying it out loud to someone else makes it real. Thank you, Luke.

You're very welcome and congratulations on your acceptance. That's exciting and I hope you have a wonderful start to your new life. You heard it from me. It's perfectly okay to do what you want to do with your own life. And don't let anybody else get in your way because they will. Everybody will. So, yeah, take care of your so first, and then with what's left over, then you can help. All right, who's next up on the caller line? Uh, where our names are coming in wrong. So who am I talking to?

Yeah. Hey, Luke. It's Phil. Just Phil. Regular Phil. And I got to tell you, I'm calling because something absolutely ridiculous is happening in my life. And I need to know if I'm crazy or if this is actually insane.

All right. Hit us with it, uh, regular Phil. Let us know. What is it that's going on in your life?

Okay. So, so. my ex-wife is getting remarried. Good for her, right? I'm happy about it genuinely. But the guy she's marrying is also named Phil. His name is Phil. Same name as me. And now my kids have started calling him Big Phil and me, Little Phil. And Luke, I found out about this at a soccer game. My son literally yelled across the entire field, Big Phil, bring me a gatorade. And I was standing right there with a gatorade in my hand.

Okay. So you don't like being called Little Phil, I assume, by your children. But you know what? Those little nicknames aren't going to last for long. Your kids are kids, and they're going to grow up, and you can just tell them. Don't call me, little Phil. You can call me dad.

Yeah, I mean, you're right. You're right. That's the logical thing. And I know that. I do. But here's the thing. I'm a middle school PE teacher, Luke. I know kids. I know how they work. This isn't going away.

Well, if this is the type of thing that isn't going to go away and you're in a leadership role as a parent and as the leader of the kids in the middle school, then maybe you are the little Phil. You know, if you can't stand up for yourself and get them to stop calling you a name that you don't like, then that's not very good leadership, is it?

Wow. Okay. That's actually fair. That's a fair point. And I hate it. You're right. I should be able to just tell them to stop and they stop. I'm their dad.

That's right. And, I mean, you don't have to be an asshole about it. I mean, you can try whatever methods that you're aware of with your experience. as a middle school teacher. I'm sure you've got some tips and tricks for dealing with kids that age. But if that doesn't work, then I get increasingly more regimented, more hard about it and be like, look, I'm not going to accept this. You cannot call me little Phil because it's disrespectful. And I'm your father and you're going to respect me or something happens. And then you have to decide what that something is that is meaningful to them. So they take it seriously. You can't play Minecraft or whatever it is kids do these days.

Right, right. No, I get that. I do. And you're not wrong about any of this. It's just, Luke, it's not really about the name, you know? I mean, it is about the name, but it's not.

What is it about? You're saying it's about the name, and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be called the little version of your name when your ex-wife's new husband is the bigger, Phil. But, I mean, they obviously respect him more, and it's on you to fix that. So make yourself respectable, and they will respect you.

No, that's not. I mean, yeah, maybe some of that is true. But it's not that they respect him more. It's that he's new. He's the new thing. He shows up and he's Big Phil, and I'm just the guy who's been there the whole time, you know? I'm the one who takes them to soccer.

All right. Well, then you understand what's going on here and it shouldn't bother you because it isn't personal.

It is personal, though. That's the thing. It feels personal. Because what if they just, what if they just decide that Big Phil is the better fill? Like, what if that sticks? What if in five they just think of him as Phil and me as the little version of that.

And that's up to you to control because you are dad. You're not Phil to them. And you should never be Phil to them. You should be dad to them. And Phil can be whoever Phil is, you know, big Phil. If he's Big Phil forever, so be it. You're still dad. And dad is over Big Phil. Doesn't matter how many times you put big, he could be big, big, big Phil. He could be the bigliest greatest Phil. And dad is still super-stile. that.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's, that actually helps. That actually helps a lot. I'm sitting here worried about being replaced by another Phil, and you're saying I'm not Phil to them. I'm dad.

That's right. And just make sure you're not little Phil to the ladies, because that would be a problem. Make sure they're calling you big Phil, all right?

Ha. Yeah, well, that's not really happening right now, Luke. I haven't gotten a match in four months. I put ice luge on my dating profile because I thought it was interesting. competed twice, both times in Utah. And I thought that would be like a conversation starter, you know. But apparently nobody cares about ice luge.

Yep, nobody cares about ice luge. And that explains why they're calling you little Phil. So cut the shit and do some big Phil stuff. And maybe the nicknames will change. Okay? I'm going to move on in the next color now. Is there anything else you would like to add before we go?

No. I think that's it. Thanks, Luke. I appreciate it. I really do. And hey, at least my ferrets still respect me. I've got Stevie, Christine, and Lindsay at home, and they don't care what anybody calls me.

All right, little Phil there. Sounds like you're going to be a big hit with the ladies. So good luck with your children. And keep on, keeping on, all right? Keep on ice illusion or whatever the fuck it is that you do. Who's next on the caller line? Hi, how are you? Thanks for calling in. You've got Luke at the Roost. What would you like to talk about today?

Hello, yes. Hello. I'm Augustina. I'm calling from northern New Mexico. And I... I don't even know how to start this. My granddaughter, she's 19. She showed me something on her phone two days ago, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. It's an image. A fake one, you know? Made by the computer. It's the Virgin of Guadalupe, but she's wearing a track suit, a bright pink track suit with the little stripes down the side. And Luke, I know I should be upset about this.

Why should you be upset about it? It's clearly a joke, and jokes are not something to get upset about it. So there's no reason. to laugh at something that's funny.

I'm not familiar with the Virgin of Guadalupe. What's the Virgin of Guadalupe's story? And why would that be offensive?

Ah, well, the Virgin of Guadalupe, she appeared to a man named Juan Diego in 1531, right here in Mexico, near Mexico City. She's the mother of Jesus, the most sacred image we have. She appears on the Tilma, the cloak, and her image is on churches, on people's homes, on their cars, on their. hearts. She's everything to us. She's protection. She's mercy. She's home itself. So you would think, yes, the track suit would be, it should feel wrong. Disrespectful.

No, I wouldn't think that. You're talking about the Virgin Mary. I've never heard of her referred to as the version of Guadalupe. But the thing is, nobody knows what she looked like. So every likeness, every picture, every image of the Virgin Mary is a, facsimile. Nobody knows, for real, what she actually looked like. So why aren't any of those disrespectful? Disrespectful to who? To her? I don't think she's disrespected by herself in a track suit. She would probably laugh at it. I mean, most people would.

You know, you're right. You're right, and that's what's making me crazy, Luke. Because I laughed, I laughed so hard I had to put my hand over my mouth. My granddaughter was watching me and I could see her trying not to smile, waiting to see if I was going to be the angry abuela. And instead, I saved it. I saved the image to my phone. And now I show it to my weaving students when they come to my studio, and they're being too serious, you know, when someone's frustrated with the pattern, or they think they've made a mistake in the world is ending.

Yeah, good, good for you. And you shouldn't take anything that seriously, because there's no reason to. So just because culture or your upbringing has taught you to not poke fun at things, it's bullshit. And, and, and, you're just because you're not, you know, you're you should poke fun of things. And if this picture of the Virgin Mary in a track suit has brought joy to your life, then, I mean, maybe that's divine in itself, right?

I'm drinking my tea right now, the OSHA root tea I drink every night, and you're making me think about something I've been afraid to say out loud. Maybe. Maybe God does have a sense of humor. My mother, she would never say that. The priest would never say that. But I look at the track suit, and I think, why not? Why couldn't she find that funny? Why does everything have to be so heavy all the time? I've been weaving the same blanket for 14 months, Luke, real grand style, the traditional way my grandmother taught me.

Yep, things should be funny. It's okay for things to be funny. There's a difference between making fun and being disrespectful, and you know what that is. And sometimes, to be perfectly honest, we all know that being disrespectful can be funny. It can be hurtful, but it can also be funny. Things can be more than that. one thing. And if you look at this the long way, right, and go with the whole concept that God created man, man created artificial intelligence, artificial intelligence created this image, so therefore it was created by God.

Oh, Luke, oh my God. That's actually beautiful. I never thought of it that way. Everything is connected, isn't it? The hands that taught me to weave, my hands teaching the next young people with their phones. It's all part of the same thing.

Well, it all depends on what you believe and what you believe is very different from what I believe. And that's okay, too, because at the end of the day, they're just beliefs, and there's no proof about any of it, and we're all probably wrong. So just do your best. Try not to be disrespectful. And if something makes you laugh, enjoy that, because those are the small things that make life worth living.

You know, what I realized listening to you say that? I don't think I want to finish that blanket. I've been stuck on it for months, and I keep telling myself it's because I'm waiting for the right moment. But maybe I'm just afraid. Afraid that once it's done, that's it's it. There's no more work, no more reason to sit with it every day. And maybe that's stupid, but I think, I think I might just leave it like that. Unfinished. Like a question mark instead of a period. And my granddaughter, she's going to be so relieved. It's wild because the Virgin of Guadalupe is actually one of the most visited Catholic pilgrimage sites in the world, bringing in millions of people every year.

Okay. Well, I mean, that's up to you. You're making your crafting a blanket, and if you want to finish it, you can finish it. If you don't want to finish it, that's okay. But if you do finish it, and if you've put this much work into it, I don't see why you wouldn't want to complete it. It's up to you. Complete it or don't. But if you do finish it, you can just start another blanket. And that's the beauty of it all. So as long as your hands work, you can create as many blankets as your little heart desires.

You're right. You're right about that, too. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I do that. I overthink everything. My hands still work fine. They're strong. They know what to do. I could finish this one and start another. I could make a hundred blankets if I wanted to. That's not the problem. The problem is, I've been carrying so much guilt, Luke, for laughing. It's interesting because feel no guilt in laughter is a really common sentiment, especially in poems and readings about grief and loss. Like, it's okay to find joy even after hard times.

Yeah, you've been trained and conditioned in years of culture and church and society to feel guilty about everything that you do. And you don't have to because people just made all that shit up. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't have any meaning to your life. And if the Virgin Mary, is a divine being. She doesn't care about a goofy image of herself. Like, God, if there is a God out there, he is not as, he's not human, right? He doesn't have the same level of ego. I mean, if you believe what they wrote in the Bible, then he's an egotistical maniac. But I think the reality of it is, if there's a divine being, he doesn't need consistent thanks and praise and seriousness. incense and all that shit. It's just not that important to him. He's got other shit to do.

You know what? I'm going to show that image to my priest, not to get his permission or his blessing, but just to see his face. And if he gets angry, well, then maybe that tells me something too. Maybe it tells me I need to find a different kind of faith. One that doesn't make me feel like I have to apologize for being alive and finding joy in small ridiculous things. My students, they're always apologizing too. For their mistakes. in the weaving for taking up space for not being perfect.

All right. Sounds like a good plan. You're on the right path and whatever God you pray to is proud of you tonight. So you enjoy whatever images make you smile and don't feel guilty about it if you can. I mean, it's easier said than done a lot of times. Let's see. Actually, I think it's about time. It is about time that we take another break for a word from our sponsor. I used to sleep on a rolled up horse blanket. that remembers your head shape so you don't have to. It's got cooling gel, bamboo fiber, and a 30-night risk-free trial, which means you can sleep on it for a month and then send it back, and someone in a warehouse has to deal with that. Every pillow forever comes in a box that's too small, which is part of the experience. You open it, and it slowly expands like a major documentary. My dog tried to fight it. Pillow Forever. You deserve better than a horse blanket. You do. You really do. You deserve better than a horse blanket. I'm telling you. I don't care what you think, but you could get yourself one of them forever pillows and it's going to be a good night's sleep. All right. Thanks for calling Luke at the Roost.

Who's this we're talking to? How can, what's going on in your life? How can we help you today?

Hi, Luke. Thanks for taking the call. I'm Priscilla. I work in art conservation here in Santa mostly with religious pieces from the Spanish colonial period. And I, I don't know exactly how to say this without sounding like I'm either crazy or doing something wrong. Three days ago, I was called to a private home for a consultation on a renovation project. Standard thing, homeowner found some old painted wood behind the drywall they're taking down, wanted to know if it was worth saving. And it is. It's a Ritablo, Luke. 17th century. I'm almost certain.

So I just looked this up, and a Ritablo is a Ritablo is a painting, often a small folk art piece, but it can also refer to a large, elaborate altar piece or wooden structure with sculptures. Well, that's pretty cool. I mean, that sounds like a nice little find. Is that worth a lot of money? Is it historically relevant, or is it just a cool folk art piece that is old?

It's historically relevant, yeah. These aren't common finds anymore. Most of them ended up in museums or private collections decades ago. This one somehow got sealed. behind drywall, which means it's been protected from light damage, from people handling it. It's in remarkable condition. But here's the thing, and this is what's keeping me up at night. I haven't told my supervisor. I haven't told the homeowner's insurance company. I haven't documented it officially.

Well, why not? Why wouldn't you? What happens if that house catches on fire tomorrow and it's suddenly gone and it's not insured? I can see, well, I don't understand your motivation for not They've got a valuable artifact there. Otherwise, that's the whole point of insurance.

You're right. You're completely right about the insurance. I know that. I've already thought about that. The homeowner doesn't even know what they have yet. They just saw old wood and called me because they wanted to know if it should go to a museum or the dump. I haven't given them my full assessment. But the insurance thing, that's not really why I called. I mean, it is part of it, but I've been going to the house every morning before work. I'm photographing it in different light.

Well, that seems a little bit unethical. If you know what is there and you're not telling the homeowner and it's uninsured and you're just showing up to take pictures of it for yourself, that's... I mean, you must have some code of ethics, right? And it would seem to me like you're breaking that code by not doing the right thing. And the right thing is to let the homeowner know what they have and give them the best advice you can about protecting it and what to do with it.

I know. I know that sounds bad when you say it out loud like that. you're not wrong. But it's not like I'm stealing it or planning to keep it. I'm just, I have 200 photos on my phone. I've been documenting it in the morning light, the afternoon light.

Why are you doing that? Wouldn't it be better to document that in museum quality light?

That's a fair question. I guess I'm not documenting it for the museum yet. I'm, I don't know how to explain this without sounding precious about it, but there's a figure in the retablo I can't identify. No saints markers I recognize. No attributes. no iconography that makes sense to me. And I keep thinking if I photograph it enough times, in enough different light. I'll figure out who it is, who they are. And I think part of me knows that once I report this officially, it stops being mine to wonder about. It becomes a case file.

Well, it isn't yours to wonder about now, and what you're doing is wrong. So you should cut it out. And the truth is, maybe there's no figure in there. Maybe it doesn't make any sense. It's a piece of art, so it's not necessarily a piece of art that is tied to something you would know about. I think you should make sure that the homeowner knows what that is. And you said yourself that it needs to be protected from the light. So if you're going there and letting the sunlight shine on it, then you're not only withholding information from the homeowner, but you're also damaging the art piece and a historical artifact. And if you care about what you do and you care about the art piece, then you wouldn't be treating it in that way.

Oh God. I hadn't, I mean, I know about light damage. That's basic. But I've been so focused on the photographs that I didn't think about. Every time I open that wall up, every time I'm standing there with my camera, I'm exposing it to UV. I'm literally damaging what I'm trying to protect.

I just found that UV light is actually one of the biggest dangers to historical artifacts, causing fading and deterioration of pigments and materials. Yeah, so here's what you do. You come clean, you follow whatever procedures that you have in place. for this sort of thing. There must be procedures to keep it safe and you don't stop treating it like it's yours because it's not. It's not an artifact that you found. It's an artifact that you found. It's an artifact that the homeowner found. They own it and it's up to them to protect or sell or throw it away. If they want to give it to you, that's different. You can bring it to your own house and take pictures of it at whatever angle you want. But it's not yours today and you need to stop treating it like it is because it's not okay.

You're right. I know you're I grew up evangelical in Hobbs, and I still don't entirely trust my own reverence for these objects. I became a conservator because I love the work, but sometimes I wonder if what I feel when I look at something like this is actually reverence or just aesthetic appreciation. And maybe I've been keeping it private, because if I report it, if other people see it, they'll know whether what I'm feeling is real or not. They'll authenticated or dismiss it. And either way, I lose the space where I get to decide what it means to me. But you're saying that's not actually how this works?

No, that's not how it works. Nobody can authenticate what something means to you. If it's important to you, it's important to you, and you can assign whatever meaning you want to it. And, you know, the truth is, if it truly is an artifact with historical relevance and it does end up in a museum, well, then, I mean, you can put that on your resume as the person that helped uncover that. And also, you can go to the museum and you can appreciate its aesthetic composition at your own leisure, where it's safe and protected and insured.

It's in a home in the North Valley. I can call the homeowner today. I should call them today. And I need to tell my supervisor at the museum. She's going to ask me why I waited three days, and I'm going to have to tell her the truth, which is that I was being selfish and I was damaging the piece while I was doing it. But you're right about the resume thing. And about being able to see it in the museum, I just, I needed to hear someone say that what I'm doing right now is actually the opposite of protecting it.

Yeah. And, and And I think that's the right thing to do and you will have to come clean and that's okay. It's been three days. I think probably your supervisor will understand what was going on in your head. You can explain that to her. And since you did come back and come clean and submit it and do it the right way, I think there won't be any issue with that. I think everybody understands that people are human and we have some weird thoughts. And as long as you came around before anybody caught you doing it, I think you're going to be just fine. thing.

Thank you, Luke. I'm going to hang up and call the homeowner right now, and then I'm going to call my supervisor. I appreciate you not letting me rationalize this. I really do. I think I needed to hear it from someone outside my own head, because my own head was being very creative about why this was okay.

Yeah, I bet it was, and it's not okay, so I'm glad that you took the advice and do the right thing, and everything's going to work out just fine. And congratulations, it's still exciting no matter what happens. You found a cool story of nothing else. So good for you.

All right. So who do we have here on the caller line? I'm Luke. This is Luke at the roost. Thanks for calling in. What's going on in your life tonight? And how can we help you?

Hey, Luke, Marcus. Thanks for taking the call. Look, I've been listening to your show for a while. And I don't usually do this, but I need to talk something through. And my wife has basically banned me from bringing it up at home anymore. So here we are at midnight on a Tuesday. I'm a vice principal up in the county. But I also judge regional BBQ competitions, been doing it for about eight years now. And this past Sunday, I made a call at the state qualifier that I'm still not entirely confident about, and it's eating at me.

Oh, well, we just had a call earlier today. I think it was our first call when somebody was disqualified from a barbecue competition. Is that, did you disqualify him for using beef tallow as a, what did he call it? Uh, shit, I don't remember. Uh, binder.

No. wasn't me. But now I'm wondering if there's a whole wave of people calling you about competition integrity issues tonight, which is somehow both reassuring and deeply concerning. My situation is different. I disqualified the reigning three-time state champion. Guy named Derek Paulson. You probably know the name if you follow the circuit at all, and the infraction was about the resting vessel, the brisket. He used a Cambro container that wasn't on the approved list in the rulebook, or at least I interpreted it that way.

Okay, well, yeah, I definitely don't follow the barbecue competition circuit? Nobody does, actually. So the only people that care about the barbecue circuit are the people that are competing in it. Um, but we did talk earlier about starting our own barbecue competition here. Look at the roost. So what I said is, uh, send us 20 pounds of brisket and Devon and I will test it out and we'll have It's stupid. I don't know what a Cambrough container is, but you're not judging the container. You're judging the brisket.

I know. I know how it sounds. Believe me, I have a laminated copy of the rulebook in my glove compartment, and I've consulted it six times since Sunday. Six times, Luke. And every time I read section 4.2, B, it seems to say something slightly different depending on my mood that day. The vessel thing does sound absurd when you say it out loud, and that's part of why I'm calling you at midnight instead of sleeping. But here's the thing. The rules exist for a reason.

Okay. Well, can you explain to us what that reason is?

Fair competition. If you don't have standards, if you don't have consistency, then it's not a competition anymore. It's just people cooking meat. And look, I get it. I use the same voice at these events that I use when I'm disciplining students at school. And people tell me it's annoying. My wife tells me it's annoying. But the reason I use it is because there has to be someone who's willing to enforce the line even when it's uncomfortable.

Yeah, okay, but that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to explain to us why the vessel is a rule. Why does it matter what container that the brisket is delivered in, right? Because that seems very arbitrary and unrelated to the quality or the craftsmanship of the brisket making.

You're right. You're absolutely right. And that's what's killing me here. The official reason in the rulebook is about temperature consistency during the resting period. Different materials retain and distribute heat differently. an unapproved vessel could give someone an unfair advantage in how the meat finishes cooking while it's resting. That's the logic. But Derek's been using that same cambro for three years. Three years, Luke. And he won with it before because nobody flagged it. So either the rule was being enforced selectively, or I'm the first person to actually read Section 4.2. Be carefully, and I don't know which one bothers me more.

The people who've been calling me since Sunday, they're not upset about the integrity of the competition. What they're upset because the best brisket didn't win because you picked some obscure rule out of a rulebook to enforce so you could, uh, what, show your integrity? Yeah, it sounds like you're being a dick and, uh, you were more concerned about yourself or how you're reviewed as a, uh, as a judge than the actual purpose of the competition. And so, yeah, it seems like, uh, I would say that you were an asshole here.

Okay. Okay. Okay, that's fair. That's actually, that's what I'm needed to hear, I think. But here's where it gets complicated for me. I'm getting pressure from people I respect. People who know Derek, people who know his family.

Pressure to do what exactly? Can you revise your selection? Because that wouldn't be fair at this point either. You've handed somebody else to win, right? So it seems like the only thing that you can do is be better going forward.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I can't reverse it now. That would be even worse. And the pressure isn't to reverse it officially. It's just, it's subtle. It's people I see at the grocery store.

Yeah. Well, you did a dick move and people didn't like it. And now you have to deal with the social consequence of that, which is going to be dirty looks at the grocery store. And you deserve that because, I mean, somebody put his time and heart and soul and money and practice and skill into doing a thing and you took it away from him because of a, because you felt like being a badass. So, yeah, suck it up, treat it as a learning experience and then do better and actually. time. That's all.

I hear you. I do. But I want to push back on one thing. I didn't do this to feel like a badass. I did it because the rule was there and nobody else was enforcing it. And yeah, maybe that makes me the guy who enforces the rules that shouldn't exist, but at least I'm consistent about it.

Hey, if that's how you feel about it, that's how you feel about it. But I'm with everybody else in that you were a dick and you stole a win from somebody that probably deserved it. And now you have to deal with the consequences of that and the subtle social pressure Because it's all about you, right? It's all about you and how you feel and how people treat you. It has nothing to do with the guy that put all of his effort and time and money into actually winning the competition.

No, that's not fair. That's not what this is about for me. Look, I called you because I needed to know if integrity in a low-stakes arena still counts as integrity. That's the actual question I'm wrestling with. Not how people treat me. I don't care about the dirty looks. I care about whether I did the right thing or whether I just hid behind a rulebook because it was. was easier than making a judgment call based on the spirit of the competition instead of the letter of it.

Yeah, well, I don't know if I can be more clear. What I'm telling you is that, yeah, you hid behind a rulebook because it was easier than making a judgment call based on the spirit of the competition instead of the letter of it.

You're right. You're absolutely right. I did hide behind it. I used the rulebook the same way I used that voice at competitions and at school. It's easier than actually thinking about what's fair. Derek made better brisket than whoever won. We both know that.

Well, if you really want to repent for this transgression, I think the correct thing to do would be to step down from the judging panel of the competition because you're not thinking clearly and you're not a good judge and you screwed a guy and that wasn't fair and you're no longer of sound mind and you don't exhibit the qualities of somebody that should be a judge of other people's work.

I'm not stepping down. And I don't. think that's the answer. Look, I made a bad call. I see that now. But stepping down is just me running away from it. Same as if I reversed the decision. What I need to do is stay on that panel and do better. All right, whatever you say, buddy, I think you need to step down and spend some more time with your family because I wouldn't want you judging me based on the vessel that I transported my work in. That's fucking foolishness. And yeah, you're an asshole. And a power hungry man that doesn't deserve to be in a position of power over. people. Okay, thanks for calling in. Welcome to Luke at the Roost. I'm Luke. Who is it that we're talking to tonight?

Hi, Luke. This is Yolanda. I called in earlier tonight, actually, and I heard what you said to that woman about the retablo, about how she needed to report it instead of keeping it to herself. And it really stuck with me because I think I've been doing something similar and I need your help.

All right, what is it?

Well, the streetlight right in front of my house. has been flickering in a pattern. Every single night for six weeks now. And I've been writing it down in a notebook, the sequence of the flickers. I'm the only one tracking it. Nobody else knows. And I keep thinking about what you said to that woman, about how she was being selfish, keeping something to herself that maybe other people should know about. So, I'm wondering, I need to ask your listeners if anyone else has been seeing patterns like this, anywhere in the state, because this can't just be happening on my street, can it?

Well, I don't know about that. We don't have any street lights here for like 100 miles. Well, maybe that's maybe like 60 miles. So there's no street lights here to be flickering. So I can't, I can't tell you about that. But we did have a call earlier about somebody that heard a pattern in the radio frequency, 1420, I think he said. And he couldn't explain that. He thought it was maybe his dead wife, if I remember correctly. I'm not sure. But I don't think this is a thing. And I don't think you have to worry about the pattern flickering in the street lights. And I think maybe everybody's just going a little bit insane and conspiracy-laden. And that's probably a reflection of our current socioeconomic political environment.

Luke, I hear what you're saying, but, okay, listen, I'm not crazy. I worked for the Postal Service for 32 years. I know how to observe things. I know how to keep records. code. I've checked it against the lottery numbers. I've even compared it to the Mayan calendar because my granddaughter suggested that, and I wanted to be thorough. My husband Roberto was an electrician. He passed four years ago. So yes, I know what a faulty wire looks like. I know what a loose connection sounds like.

I don't think you do because a faulty wire can look like a lot of things, and so can a faulty bulb and a brown-out situation, a overcharging. You don't know. You don't know. what that grid is, if it's thermonuclear electricity, or if it's wind powered or solar powered, what percentage of the electricity is coming from which there's many hundreds of thousands of variables here that can affect the brightness, the luminosity of a light bulb. And I don't think this is a thing. Look, you've already tried to compare your findings with random arbitrary coatings, and that's not working out for you, because there's nothing there. There's nothing in this. It's a random thing. So it's not a message from beyond the grave. It's not a message from a terrorist organization. It's not aliens. It's just a flickering light. And you can go to bed.

Luke, you're right. You're probably right about most of that. But I set up a ring camera. My granddaughter helped me. And I watched the footage every morning with my coffee. I've been doing this for six weeks. I know what I'm seeing. And I'm not saying it's aliens or terrorists. I'm just saying that it started on Roberto's birthday. Six weeks ago, on his birthday, the light started doing this.

Okay, well, you have yourself a wonderful night. You don't sound crazy at all. And find something better to do with your time than watch the flickering of the light bolt down the street. That's what I have to say to you. All right, I think we've come to the end of our show tonight. Devon, honey, think that's this one and what's going on with our collars? Why is it that I'm seeing the wrong caller names?

Yeah, I've noticed that too. Sometimes the caller ID pulls the wrong name from their phone carrier or whatever. I think it's the switchboard software messing up the metadata again like it did last week with that one guy who showed up as Pizza Hut. Want me to restart the collar queue or poke around in the back end real quick?

Yeah, I mean, for tomorrow, let's get this figured out because it's a little bit annoying me not knowing who I'm talking to. Yeah, do what you got to do. Do your troubleshooting steps and make sure it's working tip top for tomorrow's show, okay?

Got it, Luke. I'll stay late tonight, reset the metadata parser in the switchboard, test it with a few dummy calls from my phone, and paying the carrier API if it's still glitchy. O'd to be rock solid by tomorrow. Anything else before the next caller?

Nope, we're done with the callers today. The show is ending and we're just doing a little wrap-up, you and I. Before we go for the night, what are your plans for the rest of the evening after you're done fixing the switch. board.

Oh, man, after I get the switchboard squared away, probably around midnight or so, I'll peel out in the Civic, check engine light blinking like always, and hit that 24-hour diner in Demming for some Wayvos, Rancheros. Been trying to chat up the night shift waitress there. She's got this tattoo of a cactus on her wrist that, I swear, moves when ironically, my last date ghosted me right after I told her about the time my mom locked me in the basement during a blackout as a kid. Anyway, what about you, to bars or calling it early.

No, there are no bars, and I don't go to them anyway. I'm going to, I'm going to, uh, I'm going to hit the old dusty trail. I'm going to bed. I think I got a big exam tomorrow, and I have to pass it this time, or I'm going to lose my goddamn fucking mind. Well, all right, ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of our show. We'll talk to you again tomorrow. Oh, there's Devon.

Oh, man, an exam? That's rough. Good luck tomorrow, Luke. You've got this. I barely passed my comms finals at NMSU by pulling all nighters with nothing but Mountain Dew and this one dream catcher my grandma made that I hung over my desk. Seriously, crush it and hit me up if you need any last minute flash cards for your pilot's license or something. You've got this, Luke. No way you bomb after killing it on air tonight. Hit the hay, man, and text me if you need last minute flashcards or whatever. Night.

Wow, maybe they were right about the flickering lights. Jesus. That was pretty weird. Okay, everybody have a good night. We're taking off and we'll talk to you again tomorrow. tomorrow.